**BREAKING: Jelly Blob Apocalypse Hits Midwest, Fish and Wildlife Services Baffled**
In a bizarre incident that has left scientists scratching their heads and the general public scratching their popcorn, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service’s Midwest Fisheries Center has discovered a telemetry receiver completely engulfed in a living, breathing, and apparently sentient “blob of jelly.”
According to eyewitnesses, the gelatinous monstrosity, which has been dubbed “Jellzilla,” was found oozing its way across the floor of the center’s laboratory, leaving a trail of sticky, gooey destruction in its wake.
“It was like something out of a sci-fi horror movie,” said Dr. Jane Smith, a leading expert in aquatic anomalies. “I’ve seen some weird things in my time, but this takes the cake – or rather, the jelly-filled donut.”
The telemetry receiver, which was used to track the movements of fish and other aquatic creatures, was found completely submerged in the jelly-like substance, which appears to have grown an impressive six feet in diameter.
“We’re not sure how it happened, but it looks like the jelly blob just sort of… absorbed the receiver,” said a spokesperson for the Fish and Wildlife Service. “We’re talking to experts in the field, but so far, no one seems to know what we’re dealing with.”
As researchers attempt to study the phenomenon, Jellzilla has begun to exhibit some alarming behavior, including a tendency to change color, emit a strange humming noise, and – most disturbingly – seem to be developing a taste for 80s rock music.
“It’s like it’s trying to summon the spirits of Bon Jovi or something,” said Dr. Smith. “We’re not sure what kind of implications this has for the ecosystem, but we’re taking it very seriously.”
In the meantime, residents of the Midwest are advised to be on the lookout for any signs of Jellzilla’s rampage, which may include (but are not limited to):
* Mysterious jelly-like substances appearing on sidewalks and streets
* Reports of eerie, pulsing lights emanating from abandoned buildings
* A sudden and inexplicable surge in sales of 80s rock music CDs
Stay tuned for further updates on this developing story, and in the meantime, try not to get too close to any suspicious-looking blobs.
