**BREAKING: “Snow Village” Embroiled in Fiasco: Fake Snow Leaves Tourists Frostbitten with Anger!**
In a bizarre incident that has left the town of “Snowville” (aka, Harbin’s “Snowy Wonderland”) shivering with shame, officials have issued a groveling apology for duping tourists with a staggering 99.9% fake snow experience. The village, located in the frozen tundra of northern China, had been touting itself as a winter wonderland, complete with towering snowmen, sparkling ice sculptures, and snow-covered pine trees.
However, a thorough investigation (okay, a few snowy sleuths with some serious Google skills) revealed that the “snow” was, in fact, a combination of shredded white plastic bags, watered-down Styrofoam, and what can only be described as “extreme” use of hairspray. Yes, you read that right – hairspray.
“I felt like I was walking on a layer of crispy, crunchy, utterly-not-snow,” said disgruntled tourist, Maria Sparkles. “I mean, I’ve seen some fake snow in my time, but this was like they took all the leftover packing materials from a 1980s garage sale and called it a day.”
The village’s administrators have issued a statement, claiming they were “just trying to create a festive atmosphere” and that the, ahem, “recycled materials” were “completely safe and environmentally friendly.” When asked for further comment, the village elder simply shrugged and muttered something about “not wanting to give away the secret to their snow-free snow.”
Meanwhile, tourists who forked over an average of $500 per person for the “authentic snow experience” are demanding refunds, threatening to leave scathing Yelp reviews, and/or filing complaints with the Better Business Bureau (or, you know, the Chinese equivalent).
As one outraged visitor quipped, “Who needs real snow when you can have fake snow and a side of irony? I mean, I’ve seen better fake snow at a 3rd-grade school play!”
In related news, shares of plastic bag and hairspray companies have skyrocketed, while the village’s reputation has, well… let’s just say it’s been frostbitten.
**UPDATE:** The village has announced plans to offer a complimentary “I Survived the Fake Snow” t-shirt to all affected tourists, along with a 100% guarantee that next year’s snow will be, um, 100% more authentic. Fingers crossed!
