**BREAKING: Florida Man’s Ridiculous Lagoon Lair Sparks International Incident**
In a shocking turn of events, a federal court has ruled that a Florida man must remove his outrageous, homemade floating structure from a local lagoon, citing “blatant disregard for basic human decency” and “a probable threat to the space-time continuum.”
The structure, dubbed the “Lagoon-Tron 3000,” was built by 32-year-old Bubba Jenkins, a self-proclaimed “genius, billionaire, playboy philanthropist” from Boca Raton. The monstrosity, measuring 20 feet in diameter and 10 stories tall, features a wraparound hot tub, a mini-golf course, a taco bar, and a revolving dance floor.
According to eyewitnesses, the Lagoon-Tron 3000 has been disrupting the local ecosystem, causing nearby fish to develop a permanent case of the Mondays and nearby palm trees to grow at an alarming rate.
“It’s like a giant, glowing middle finger to the entire concept of zoning laws and good taste,” said Jane Doe, a concerned citizen who lives nearby. “I mean, who needs that kind of chaos in their backyard?”
Jenkins, who claims to have spent over $100,000 building the Lagoon-Tron 3000, has vowed to appeal the court’s decision, citing “creative genius” and “a divine right to build whatever I want, whenever I want.”
In a statement, Jenkins declared, “I’ll never back down! I’ll build an even bigger, better, and more bewildering structure – and I’ll call it the Lagoon-Tron 5000: The Sequel… of Justice!”
The U.S. District Court has given Jenkins 30 days to dismantle the Lagoon-Tron 3000, or face the wrath of the law (and possibly a strongly-worded letter from the local homeowners association).
As one observer noted, “This is not just about a weird structure in a lagoon – it’s about the very fabric of our society. Will we allow the Bubba Jenkinses of the world to run amok, or will we stand up for sanity and good taste?”
