**BREAKING: SNAKE SHOCKER ON THE HIGHWAY!**
In a heart-stopping, spine-tingling, and downright terrifying turn of events, local highway driver, Jane Doe, had the most unforgettable driving experience of her life yesterday evening. While cruising down the highway in her trusty old sedan, Jane was startled to discover a slithery stowaway making its way up her leg.
According to eyewitnesses (okay, it was just Jane’s passenger, her pet goldfish, Mr. Finley, who was along for the ride), a massive, venomous snake – estimated to be a whopping 10 feet long (or at least that’s what it felt like to Jane) – was spotted slithering up Jane’s leg, seemingly intent on claiming her as its next meal.
“I was just driving along, minding my own business, when suddenly I felt something squirmy and scaly making its way up my leg,” Jane recounted in an exclusive interview. “At first, I thought it was just my imagination, but then I looked down and, oh. my. gosh. There it was! A snake! A huge, slimy, evil snake!”
As Jane frantically tried to shoo the snake away, it allegedly wrapped itself around her leg, gazing up at her with beady little eyes that seemed to say, “You’re mine, human!”
“I swear, it was like it was plotting something,” Jane said, still shaken. “I thought to myself, ‘This is it. I’m a goner. The snake is going to inject me with its deadly venom, and I’ll be the main course at the next snake potluck.'”
But Jane, being the quick-thinking, snake-fighting pro that she is, managed to wrestle the beast off her leg and fling it out the window, where it reportedly landed with a thud on the side of the road.
“It was like a scene from a horror movie,” said Mr. Finley, the goldfish, who witnessed the whole ordeal from the safety of his aquatic throne (aka the backseat). “I was just swimming along, minding my own business, when suddenly my human was under attack by a slithery serpent! I was like, ‘Girl, you better get that snake off you, or you’re gonna be fish food!'”
Miraculously, Jane escaped with only minor scratches and a severe case of ophidiophobia (that’s fear of snakes, for those who don’t speak snake-phobia).
The snake, on the other hand, was last seen slithering away into the sunset, muttering something about “next time, I’ll get you, Jane…”
