**BREAKING: Snake Bite Epidemic Hits Australia as Victims Insist on Bringing Reptilian Culprits to Hospital**
Sydney, Australia – In a bizarre trend that’s leaving medical professionals scratching their heads, snake bite victims in Australia are showing up at hospitals with the offending serpents in tow, causing chaos and pandemonium.
“It’s like they think we’re running a reptile daycare here,” said Dr. Emily Chen, a leading expert in toxicology at Sydney’s Royal Hospital. “We’ve had patients bring in snakes in buckets, bags, and even one poor soul tried to bring in a snake in a stroller. It’s absolute madness!”
The phenomenon has reached epidemic proportions, with reports of snake-bitten patients proudly displaying their slithery companions like trophies. Medical staff are at their wit’s end, trying to treat patients while also ensuring the safety of hospital staff and visitors.
“I was trying to administer antivenom to a patient, and suddenly a 3-foot-long eastern brown snake pokes its head out of the bucket and hisses at me,” said nurse Karen Thompson. “I nearly jumped out of my scrubs! It was like it was trying to get in on the medical action.”
The Australian Snakehandlers Association has issued a stern warning to patients: “Please, for the love of all things scaly, leave the snake at home! We don’t need any more ‘patients’ in the emergency room.”
Hospital administrators are now considering implementing a “no-snakes-allowed” policy, but so far, patients are resisting.
“But doc, I didn’t want to leave my snake behind,” said one patient, who wished to remain anonymous (and not get bitten again). “I named him Slinky, and I promise he’s harmless.”
The Australian government has stepped in, launching a public awareness campaign with the catchy slogan: “Don’t bring the snake, bring the patient!”
As the situation continues to spiral out of control, medical experts are urging patients to prioritize their health over their reptilian friends.
“Look, we get it – snakes are cool and all, but not when they’re causing a ruckus in the hospital,” said Dr. Chen. “Please, for your own safety and ours, just leave Slinky at home. We’ll take care of you; you take care of not getting bitten again.”
