**BREAKING: FURY OF THE BEARS: EUROPEAN BROWN BEHEMOTHS WREAK HAVOC AT BRITISH WILDLIFE PARK**
In a jaw-dropping, spine-tingling, and utterly absurd turn of events, two marauding European brown bears broke free from their enclosure at the normally tranquil British Wildlife Park and embarked on a rampage of unbridled gluttony.
The furry fugitives, identified as 5-year-old Boris and his equally voracious companion, Bjorn, made a beeline for the park’s food storage facility, leaving a trail of destruction and delighted onlookers in their wake.
Eyewitnesses described the scene as “absolute pandemonium” as the bears, whose normally sedate demeanor belied their inner carnivores, tore through the storage room with the ferocity of a thousand ravenous raccoons.
“It was like they had a PhD in Snack Acquisition,” said park visitor, Emily Wilson. “They were like two big, fluffy, honey-guzzling machines!”
According to park officials, the bears made off with an astonishing array of treats, including – but not limited to – a week’s worth of artisanal honey, a crate of succulent salmon fillets, and an entire shelf of sweet, crunchy granola bars.
“We’re talking industrial quantities of snacks here,” said Park Manager, Nigel P. Bottomsworth. “It’s a wonder they didn’t burst from sheer gluttony. Although, to be honest, it wouldn’t have surprised me at this point.”
The bears’ 10-minute snack-a-thon was brought to an end when park rangers, armed with an emergency stash of (you guessed it) honey, coaxed the replete raiders back to their enclosure with promises of a complimentary dessert buffet.
As the bears laze about their now-empty enclosure, park officials are scrambling to upgrade their snack-proofing measures – and possibly invest in some bear-sized stretchy pants.
In related news, the park’s gift shop has reported a surge in sales of “I Survived the Great Bear Snack Heist” t-shirts.
