BREAKING: WOODEN DOOR PANEL FROM “TITANIC” SELLS FOR A WHOPPING $718,750 – NEW OWNER PLANS TO USE IT AS A FLOATING COASTER TABLE
In a jaw-dropping, heart-stopping, and utterly absurd sale, a wooden door panel from James Cameron’s 1997 blockbuster “Titanic” has fetched a staggering $718,750 at auction. The buyer, a self-proclaimed “Titanic enthusiast” and “avid collector of useless movie memorabilia,” plans to use the historic plank as a floating coffee table for their backyard pool.
According to sources, the door panel, which was famously used by Leonardo DiCaprio’s character Jack to keep Kate Winslet’s character Rose afloat in the icy waters of the North Atlantic, was sold to the mysterious buyer under the pseudonym “Desperate Dave.”
“I just couldn’t resist the opportunity to own a piece of cinematic history,” said Desperate Dave in a statement. “I mean, who wouldn’t want to gaze upon the very wooden slats that kept Rose from becoming human popsicle? It’s like having a piece of the Titanic’s tragic grandeur right in my own backyard!”
When asked about plans for the door panel, Desperate Dave revealed that it will be installed as a floating coffee table in his pool, complete with a built-in ice chest and a mini-fridge stocked with overpriced craft beers.
“It’s going to be the life of the party,” Desperate Dave exclaimed. “My friends will be green with envy when they see me lounging on my couch, sipping a cold one, and simultaneously commemorating one of cinema’s most iconic moments. It’s like having a piece of history… and a really cool conversation starter!”
The sale has sparked outrage among some Titanic purists, who claim that the door panel should be preserved in a museum or displayed in a place of reverence, not used as a glorified cocktail table.
“What’s next?” asked one outraged fan. “Are they going to sell the actual Titanic’s grand staircase as a hot tub? It’s a travesty, I tell you!”
In response to the backlash, Desperate Dave simply shrugged and said, “Hey, at least I’m not using it as a cutting board… this time.”
The auction house has announced that a portion of the proceeds will go towards funding a new line of “Titanic-themed” merchandise, including (but not limited to): Rose-shaped keychains, Jack’s-favorite-fish-stick-scented candles, and a limited edition “I’m the king of the world… and also the king of tacky decor” t-shirt.
