**BREAKING: LLAMA DEFIES DEATH, CELEBRATES 27 YEARS AND 250 DAYS OF BEING RIDICULOUSLY OLD**
In a shocking turn of events, a llama named “Lola” from rural North Carolina has been officially declared the oldest llama in the world at the astonishing age of 27 years and 250 days. Because, you know, 27 years and 249 days just wasn’t old enough.
According to sources, Lola has been defying the laws of nature and llama-kind by continuing to live, breathe, and spit with reckless abandon. Her owner, 32-year-old farmer Bob Smith, claims that Lola’s secret to longevity is her strict diet of organic hay, daily yoga sessions, and a strict regimen of judging everyone who walks by.
“I’m not surprised,” said Smith. “Lola’s always been a bit of an oddball. She’s been wearing the same coat of fur for 27 years, and it’s still looking fabulous. I mean, have you seen her Instagram? The girl’s got more followers than most humans.”
Guinness World Records officials were on hand to verify Lola’s age, and they were blown away by her youthful energy. “We’ve never seen anything like it,” said a spokesperson. “Lola’s like the Benjamin Button of llamas. She’s got more spunk in her little toe than most people have in their entire body.”
Lola’s achievement has sparked a flurry of excitement in the llama community, with many of her peers calling her “Lola-popa” and “The Llama Queen.” When asked about her newfound fame, Lola simply shrugged, adjusted her sparkly collar, and went back to eating her hay.
In related news, the world’s oldest cat, Mr. Whiskers, has announced his retirement from the longevity game, citing “excessive competition from Lola” as the reason. Meanwhile, Lola’s agent has confirmed that she’s in talks to star in her own Netflix series, tentatively titled “The Lola Show: Old, Sassy, and Still Kicking.”
Stay tuned for more updates on this developing story, and don’t forget to follow Lola on Instagram for daily doses of llama-titude and sass.
