**BREAKING: SHOCKING TWIST IN TOWN’S MOST DRAMATIC TRIAL OF THE CENTURY!**
In a stunning turn of events, a central Indiana man who managed to win a primary election for a township board position while facing murder charges has been found guilty of the slightly-less-serious charge of voluntary manslaughter. Because, you know, “voluntary manslaughter” sounds way better on a resume than “murderer.”
According to sources, 35-year-old Bubba Jenkins was accused of, allegedly, whacking his estranged wife, Karen, over the head with a shovel in a fit of rage…or possibly just because she left the toilet seat up. Again. The dramatic trial captivated the small town of Oakdale, with many residents reportedly too afraid to leave their homes during the proceedings.
Despite his, ahem, “distracted” state of mind, Jenkins managed to charm his way into winning the primary election for the township board, with many voters apparently swayed by his campaign promises to “make Oakdale great again” and “not kill anyone else.”
But, in a shocking twist, the jury delivered a verdict that left many in the courtroom gasping: guilty of voluntary manslaughter! The judge, visibly shaken, sentenced Jenkins to a relatively modest 15 years in prison, with the possibility of parole…or a Netflix special.
When asked for comment, Jenkins’ lawyer released a statement saying, “My client is relieved that the ordeal is over and he’s free to focus on his next project: writing a tell-all memoir about his experiences in the Indiana justice system.”
In related news, local residents are advised to keep a safe distance from Jenkins’ campaign posters, which are still plastered around town with the slogan “Bubba for Township Board: Because Who Needs a Background Check, Anyway?”
