**BREAKING: Dragonfly Apocalypse Hits Rhode Island, Residents Advised to Wear Helmets and Carry Snacks**
PROVIDENCE, RI – In a bizarre and terrifying turn of events, a swarm of gargantuan dragonflies descended upon Scarborough State Beach in Rhode Island, leaving a trail of bewildered beachgoers and destroyed beach umbrellas in their wake.
Eyewitnesses described the insects as “the size of small helicopters” with “laser-sharp stingers” and a “menacing glare” that could curdle milk at 50 paces.
“I was just trying to enjoy a quiet day at the beach with my family,” said local resident, Karen Jenkins. “And then, out of nowhere, these…these…THINGS started swarming everywhere! I mean, I’ve seen some big bugs in my time, but these were like something out of a sci-fi movie!”
The dragonflies, estimated to be over 10 inches in length with a wingspan of up to 2 feet, were seen swooping and diving in massive formation, sending panicked beachgoers running for cover.
“I was building a sandcastle when one of them swooped down and gave me a close-up inspection,” said 10-year-old Timmy Smith. “I thought for sure I was a goner! But then it started doing loop-the-loops and playing a rendition of ‘The Star-Spangled Banner’ on a built-in harmonica. I mean, it was actually kind of cool…but also super terrifying?”
As the swarm continued to terrorize the beach, local authorities were forced to establish a “Dragonfly Emergency Zone” and deploy teams of highly trained insect wranglers to contain the situation.
“We’re doing our best to safely relocate the dragonflies to a more suitable environment,” said Rhode Island Governor, Gina Raimondo. “In the meantime, we urge residents and tourists alike to exercise extreme caution and avoid any areas with high dragonfly activity. And for goodness’ sake, don’t try to take selfies with them – those things are DEADLY.”
The origin of the massive dragonfly swarm remains a mystery, but experts speculate that it may be linked to a recent increase in local mosquito populations and a freak storm that swept through the area.
In related news, sales of bug spray, helmets, and anxiety medication have skyrocketed in Rhode Island, while local businesses are capitalizing on the situation by selling “I Survived the Great Dragonfly Invasion” t-shirts and souvenirs.
Stay tuned for further updates on this developing story, and in the meantime, if you’re planning a trip to Rhode Island, you might want to pack a few extra snacks…and a healthy dose of fear.
