**Local Middle Schoolers Invent Miracle Prosthetics for Paralyzed Pup, Fall Short of World Peace**
Oregon – In what the children of Hillsboro Middle School have dubbed “a Tuesday,” a group of middle schoolers recently took time out of their busy schedules filled with TikTok dances and dodgeball games to embark on a groundbreaking project that would surely earn them the title of “Next Great Innovators.” They created prosthetics for a paralyzed dog named Max. Yes, folks, you heard it right—a dog.
While other kids their age are still mastering the intricate art of heating up burritos in the microwave, these pint-sized Einsteins decided it was high time they played veterinarians and engineers. “We just thought it would be cool to help a dog out,” said 12-year-old Emma, her tone suggesting that saving the world one wagging tail at a time is a trivial side project in comparison to midterm quizzes.
The team of aspiring doggie designers didn’t stop at just daydreaming. No, the quintet of creativity quickly took it upon themselves to scour the depths of the internet for DIY prosthetic ideas. Among the treasure trove of tutorials, they cobbled together materials they found lying around the classroom. You wouldn’t believe the high-tech components they used: duct tape, pool noodles, and—wait for it—an old skateboard. Clearly, North America’s next engineering milestone is just a few steps from the art room at Hillsboro Middle School.
Parents who weren’t fully embracing their child’s newfound zeal for animal aid took a moment to reflect on their kids’ lack of involvement in more pressing issues. “I was hoping my son would spend more time studying for his history test rather than creating prosthetics for a dog,” lamented one mom. “Now, if only he could apply that energy to helping with chores instead of trying to turn our house into a canine rehabilitation center…”
The climax of the project came when Max, a sprightly Beagle mix (who also spends much of his time disregarding the laws of physics by running into every wall he sees), donned his custom prosthetics for the first time. “He didn’t quite run like a gazelle,” noted Kevin, one of the middle schoolers, with an enthusiasm that makes you wonder if he’s ever actually seen a gazelle. “But there was definitely a lot of flailing, which was kinda cool.”
Despite the evident and enthusiastic chaos, the students have expressed remorse for not tackling larger global issues, such as climate change or world hunger. “I guess we could have poured our energy into more serious causes, like saving the environment,” Emma mused, staring wistfully into the distance. “But let’s face it, how often do you see middle schoolers doing surgery on a dog?”
As Max clutched his skateboard-like legs, creating an energetic spectacle that would both amuse and bewilder the neighborhood, the school buzzed with newfound energy. The school principal, unperturbed by the lack of global impact, remarked, “If nothing else, at least these kids can say they lived out their own version of a Disney movie—and in doing so, they may finally score a good grade in science.”
So, while the world continues to spin amidst its various crises, at least Hillsboro Middle School can rest assured that there’s one paralyzed pup rocking a pair of pool noodle prosthetics, bringing novelty to the definition of “cutting-edge technology.” Watch out, world—next stop, international diplomacy!
