**BREAKING: Local Man Catches Monster Fish with So Many Teeth, It’s a Miracle He Still Has His Face**
In a jaw-dropping, fin-tastic turn of events, Maryland resident, Bubba Jenkins, reeled in a fish so ferocious, it’s a wonder he didn’t end up in the hospital… or the dentist.
While fishing in a quiet creek in rural Maryland, Jenkins hooked a specimen that has left local ichthyologists (or at least, the ones who still have their eyebrows) scratching their heads.
The gargantuan creature, identified as a “Toothy McToothface” (scientific name: _Piscis Dentarius Maximus_ ), measured a whopping 3 feet 5 inches in length and weighed a staggering 12 pounds 7 ounces.
But it’s not the fish’s size that’s got everyone talking – it’s the sheer, unadulterated TOOTHINESS of the beast. Eyewitnesses claim the fish has approximately 473 razor-sharp teeth, each one as pointy as a razor and as plentiful as… well, as plentiful as a lot.
“I’ve never seen anything like it,” said Jenkins, still shaken but exhilarated by the encounter. “I mean, I’ve caught some big ones in my time, but this thing was like a swimming meat grinder. I’m just lucky I didn’t lose a limb… or my face… or my sanity.”
As news of the monstrous catch spread, local residents flocked to the creek to catch a glimpse of the fearsome fish. Some brave souls even attempted to take selfies with the creature, but most wisely decided to keep a safe distance.
“I don’t care if it’s the most epic catch of the century,” said local resident, Karen Thompson. “I’m not getting within 10 feet of that… that… toothy monstrosity. I’ll stick to catching catfish, thank you very much.”
The Toothfish – as it’s come to be known – is currently being held in a specially designed tank at the Maryland Department of Natural Resources, where scientists are studying its remarkable dentition.
When asked if the fish would be released back into the wild, a spokesperson for the DNR simply shook their head and muttered, “You think we’re crazy? That thing’s going to be on display at the aquarium for all eternity. And we’ll make sure to provide a ‘Do Not Feed the Fish’ sign… and a ‘Do Not Look Directly at the Fish’ sign… and a ‘Do Not Even Think About the Fish’ sign.”
Stay tuned for further updates on this toothy tale!
