**BREAKING: Cedar Point’s New Ride “The Sky Scream” Turns into 10-Minute Vertical Torture Device on Inaugural Day**
SANDUSKY, OH – In a shocking display of incompetence, Cedar Point’s highly anticipated new ride, “The Sky Scream”, malfunctioned on its very first day of operation, leaving dozens of screaming riders stuck in a vertical position for a bone-chilling 10 minutes.
Eyewitnesses described the scene as “surreal” and “terrifyingly hilarious” as the ride, which promises to propel thrill-seekers to dizzying heights of 300 feet, instead decided to just… hang there. Indefinitely.
“I was excited to try it out, but then we just… stopped,” said Emily Wilson, a visitor from Columbus. “I mean, I’ve heard of ‘taking a moment to appreciate the view’, but this was ridiculous! I was literally stuck staring at the same spot on the ground for what felt like an eternity.”
As riders continued to accumulate, the queue began to grow, and so did the anxiety. “I was starting to think we were all going to be stuck there forever,” said John Lee, a rider from Chicago. “I mean, who needs a thrill ride when you can just… wait?”
Cedar Point officials scrambled to respond to the situation, but their efforts were hindered by the ride’s stubborn refusal to, you know, move.
“We apologize for the inconvenience and are working to resolve the issue,” said a spokesperson for the park. “We’re not sure what happened, but we’re pretty sure it’s not supposed to just… stop. Like, ever.”
The incident has sparked widespread outrage and amusement on social media, with many calling for the ride to be renamed “The Sky Scream… of Frustration”.
In related news, shares of antacids and earplugs have skyrocketed.
**UPDATE:** The ride has since been reopened, but only after a team of highly trained professionals (okay, a guy with a wrench) managed to coax it back to life. Riders are advised to bring snacks and a sense of humor.
