**GIRAFFE-GATE: Toddler’s Safari Stroll Turns into Death-Defying Circus Act**
In a jaw-dropping, spine-tingling, and utterly absurd incident, a 2-year-old Texas tot’s leisurely safari outing turned into a real-life action movie when a curious giraffe decided to test the youngster’s taste buds – and sent him soaring into the stratosphere!
Eyewitnesses claim the miniature human, identified as Timmy Johnson, was strolling hand-in-hand with his parents through the “Wild Wonders” safari park in suburban Dallas when a rambunctious giraffe named Gerald decided to get up close and personal.
“I was just trying to get a good look at the giraffes,” said a shaken but exhilarated Timmy, still trying to process the trauma. “Next thing I knew, I was flying through the air like a human catapult!”
According to onlookers, Gerald, a 10-foot-tall, 500-pound behemoth with a penchant for snacks, gently (ahem) nibbled on Timmy’s diaper-clad rear end, sending the tiny tot flying a whopping 10 feet into the air.
“It was like something out of a cartoon!” exclaimed park visitor, Jane Doe. “I mean, I’ve seen some crazy things in my time, but this was like a giraffe-fueled rocket launch! I half expected to see a trail of smoke and a ‘WHOOSH’ sound effect!”
Miraculously, Timmy, who was wearing a helmet and a prayer, managed to execute a perfect, if unintentional, “giant-giraffe-assisted somersault” and landed with a soft thud on a nearby pile of foam blocks.
“It was like a miracle!” beamed Timmy’s mom, still white-knuckling her coffee cup. “I mean, I’ve heard of kids being ‘launched’ into adulthood, but this was ridiculous! We’re just glad our little guy is okay – and already asking for a second helping of giraffe-themed birthday cake!”
The safari park has since issued a statement assuring visitors that all giraffes have been thoroughly trained in the art of “gentle snacking” and that Timmy has been offered a complimentary “Giraffe-Sized” souvenir t-shirt.
In related news, local authorities have reported a surge in sales of extra-large diapers and a new trend in toddler-themed action movies. Stay tuned for further updates on this developing story!
