**BREAKING: FOWL PLAY WREAKS HAVOC IN QUIET MASSACHUSETTS TOWN**
Residents of the usually tranquil town of Oakdale, Massachusetts, are still reeling in shock after a marauding woodpecker brought chaos to the community, damaging a staggering 25 vehicles in a single day.
The “ferocious” fowl, described by eyewitnesses as having a “menacing glint in its eye,” was seen swooping down from the skies to peck at parked cars with reckless abandon. The woodpecker’s apparent vendetta against the town’s automobiles left a trail of dented bumpers, shattered windshields, and bewildered car owners in its wake.
“I was just getting ready for work when I heard a loud ‘thwack-thwack-thwack’ sound coming from outside,” said local resident, Karen Jenkins. “I looked out the window and saw this…this…thing! It was like a tiny, feathered Terminator, determined to destroy every car in sight!”
The woodpecker’s rampage began at dawn and continued unabated throughout the day, with multiple eyewitnesses describing the bird’s lightning-fast pecking attacks.
“It was like it had a personal vendetta against my Toyota,” said Oakdale resident, Dave Wilson. “I mean, I’ve seen woodpeckers before, but this one was on a mission from God! It pecked a hole right through my windshield and into the dashboard. I’m just lucky it didn’t peck my wife’s hairdo – that’s just a whole different kind of damage!”
Authorities were quick to respond to the crisis, but even they were not immune to the woodpecker’s fury. “We had multiple reports of the woodpecker attacking our patrol cars,” said Oakdale Police Chief, James Smith. “It was like it had a sixth sense for finding the one weak spot on each vehicle. We even tried to use our riot shields, but that just seemed to enrage it further!”
As the town struggles to come to terms with the aftermath of the great woodpecker attack, residents are left wondering: what’s next? Will the woodpecker turn its attention to the local bird feeders? Or perhaps the town’s prized collection of antique garden gnomes?
Only time will tell, but one thing’s for sure – the people of Oakdale will be keeping a watchful eye on the skies for the next few weeks.
**UPDATE:** The woodpecker has been named “Pecky” and has become an unlikely local celebrity. A fundraising campaign has been set up to purchase Pecky a “Bird’s Eye View” surveillance system to monitor its future activities.
