**BREAKING: FEATHERED MENACE ON THE LOOSE!**
In a shocking and terrifying turn of events, a brazen young golden eagle has launched not one, not two, not three, but FOUR attacks on humans in the past week, leaving a trail of screams, flailing limbs, and one very traumatized toddler in its wake.
The latest victim, a 2-year-old Norwegian tot named Bjorn, was playing in his backyard when the eagle, described by eyewitnesses as “enraged” and “eerily intelligent,” swooped down and made a beeline for his fluffy head.
“It was like it had a personal vendetta against my child,” said Bjorn’s mother, Vigdis, still shaken by the ordeal. “I was just turning my back for one second to grab a snack, and suddenly I hear this blood-curdling shriek and see my baby tumbling across the lawn with this…this…bird of prey on top of him!”
Miraculously, Bjorn escaped with only minor scratches and a newfound fear of birds, but the incident has left local authorities and ornithologists scratching their heads.
“This is not normal behavior for a golden eagle,” said Dr. Helge Olsen, a leading expert on Norwegian birdlife. “I mean, we’ve seen eagles attack the occasional rabbit or squirrel, but FOUR attacks on humans in one week? That’s like…well, that’s like a bird-shaped tornado of terror!”
As news of the attack spread, residents of the small town are on high alert, with some even taking to wearing helmets and carrying umbrellas as a precautionary measure.
“I mean, you can’t be too careful when there’s a rogue eagle on the loose,” said local resident, Torbjorn Jensen. “I’ve started carrying a spare set of socks and a pocket-sized first-aid kit, just in case.”
The Norwegian government has issued a statement assuring citizens that they are “taking the situation very seriously” and “working closely with bird-control specialists to apprehend the feathered menace.”
Meanwhile, Bjorn’s family has set up a GoFundMe page to raise money for therapy sessions and a lifetime supply of bird-repellent spray.
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