**EYE-SOCKET EXTRAVAGANZA: Local Man Shatters TWO Guinness World Records with Unprecedented Eye Socket Strength!**
In a jaw-dropping, eye-popping display of ocular fortitude, 32-year-old Dave Wilson of suburban Chicago has simultaneously broken not one, but TWO Guinness World Records for his astonishing ability to harness the raw power of his eye sockets.
According to eyewitnesses (no pun intended), Wilson boldly demonstrated his unprecedented eye socket strength by:
1. **Lifting a 50-pound dumbbell with his eye sockets**: In a stunning display of orbital prowess, Wilson carefully positioned the massive weight in front of his face, took a deep breath, and then – with a fierce cry of “EYE POWER, ACTIVATE!” – lifted the dumbbell a full 3 inches off the ground using ONLY THE MUSCLES AROUND HIS EYES. The crowd gasped in awe as the weight teetered precariously, threatening to crush Wilson’s face, but ultimately, his eye sockets held strong!
2. **Holding a small car in place with his eye sockets**: In an even more astounding feat, Wilson managed to immobilize a 2,000-pound sedan by grasping it firmly with – you guessed it – HIS EYE SOCKETS! Witnesses described the scene as “a mix of wonder, terror, and mild concern for Dave’s eyeballs” as he strained to keep the vehicle from rolling away. When asked about his technique, Wilson cryptically replied, “It’s all about the ocular torque, baby!”
The Guinness World Records officials, who were on hand to verify the attempts, were left speechless by the sheer audacity of Wilson’s achievements. “We’re not sure if we’ve ever seen anything like this before,” said a bewildered adjudicator. “We’re still trying to figure out how to categorize these records. Maybe we’ll create a new category: ‘Most creative use of facial muscles’?”
As news of Wilson’s incredible feat spread, fans and onlookers alike began chanting “EYE POWER! EYE POWER!” while Wilson, basking in the glory of his triumph, quipped, “I’m just getting started. Next up: eye-socket-powered flight!”
When asked about potential risks to his eyes, Wilson nonchalantly shrugged, “Hey, I’ve got a great ophthalmologist on speed dial.”
The two new Guinness World Records broken by Dave Wilson are:
* **Longest duration holding a 50-pound dumbbell with eye sockets**: 10 seconds
* **Heaviest weight held in place with eye sockets**: 2,000 pounds (the small car)
Stay tuned for more updates on Dave’s eye-socket adventures!
