**BREAKING: Kraken Mascot’s Brush with Death as Fierce Brown Bear Charges on Seattle Waterfront**
Seattle, WA – In a heart-stopping, jaw-dropping, and utterly absurd incident, the Seattle Kraken’s lovable mascot, Kraken the Sea Monster, narrowly escaped becoming a mid-morning snack for a ravenous brown bear on the city’s bustling waterfront.
Eyewitnesses described the scene as “absolute pandemonium” as Kraken, dressed in his signature tentacled costume, was strolling along the pier, taking selfies with fans, when suddenly a massive brown bear emerged from the underbrush, its eyes fixed greedily on the mascot.
“I was just minding my own business, posing for photos, when I saw this enormous bear charging towards me,” said Kraken, still shaken. “I mean, I’ve seen some big guys in the NHL, but this was a whole different story. I thought for sure I was a goner!”
The bear, estimated to be around 500 pounds of pure, unadulterated fury, was reportedly attracted to the tantalizing aroma of Kraken’s freshly applied fish-scented cologne.
“It was like it had a homing device on me,” Kraken quipped. “I swear, I’ve never seen a bear move so fast outside of a cartoon.”
As the bear closed in, Kraken’s quick thinking (and agility) allowed him to dodge the bear’s outstretched paws by a hair’s breadth. Witnesses claim the mascot performed an impressive series of backflips, somersaults, and what can only be described as a “mascot-fu” move, narrowly avoiding becoming the bear’s next meal.
“I was like, ‘This is it, I’m a goner!’ But then I remembered I have ninja training from all those years of dodging angry hockey fans,” Kraken joked.
The bear, foiled in its attempt to make a meal of the mascot, stomped its foot in frustration and let out a deafening roar, causing nearby seagulls to take flight in terror.
“It was like the apocalypse,” said one eyewitness. “I’ve never seen anything like it. I mean, who needs a bear- proof vest when you’ve got Kraken’s lightning-fast reflexes?”
Kraken, shaken but unharmed, was treated for minor scratches and a severely bruised ego.
The Seattle Kraken organization has since released a statement assuring fans that their beloved mascot is “totally fine” and “not at all traumatized” by the ordeal.
In related news, the city’s bear-control unit has announced plans to deploy an emergency team of bear-wranglers to the waterfront, equipped with an arsenal of fish-flavored bear-deterrents.
When asked for comment, Kraken simply shook his head and muttered, “Note to self: stick to the seafood buffet from now on.”
