**BREAKING: GIANT BALL PYTHON ON THE LOOSE IN MASSACHUSETTS, RESIDENTS TERRIFIED**
In a shocking turn of events, a massive ball python, estimated to be over 100 feet long and as thick as a school bus, has escaped from a local pet store in suburban Massachusetts and is currently roaming free, leaving a trail of terror and destruction in its wake.
Eyewitnesses describe the snake as “enormous” and “as slippery as a snake oil salesman,” with scales as black as coal and eyes that glow like embers from the underworld.
“I was just walking to my car when I saw this…this…THING,” said local resident, Karen Jenkins. “I mean, I’ve seen some big snakes in my day, but this one was like something out of a bad horror movie. I ran so fast, I thought I was going to win a gold medal in the Olympics!”
The snake, which has been identified as a “Ball Python of Unusual Size” (or BUS for short), has been spotted slithering through the streets of Framingham, Massachusetts, causing widespread panic and chaos.
“It’s like it’s on a mission to wrap itself around the entire town,” said Framingham Mayor, John Smith. “We’re doing everything we can to catch the beast, but it’s like it’s laughing at us. I mean, have you ever seen a snake do a backflip? Because I think this one just did.”
As residents cower in fear, experts warn that the BUS is not just a ordinary snake, but a highly intelligent and cunning predator with a taste for…well, everything.
“It’s like it’s a snake-shaped vacuum cleaner,” said Dr. Jane Doe, a leading herpetologist. “It can swallow a car whole and still have room for a snack. We’re talking biblical proportions here, folks.”
The search for the BUS is ongoing, with teams of brave (or foolhardy) wildlife experts and snake handlers armed with an arsenal of sedatives, nets, and holy water.
In the meantime, residents are advised to stay indoors, lock all doors and windows, and for goodness’ sake, do not try to take a selfie with the beast.
**UPDATE:** The BUS has just been spotted wrapping itself around the Framingham Town Hall. Stay tuned for further updates on this developing story.
