**Kiwis Embrace New Hug Regulation: Families Now Restricted to Three-Minute Send-Offs at Airport**
In a stunning move meant to enhance operational efficiency and curb emotional excess, the airport authorities of New Zealand have enacted a groundbreaking regulation limiting all drop-off hugs to a strict three-minute maximum. This revolutionary initiative is surely destined to enter the annals of history alongside other monumental decisions, like choosing to have pineapple on pizza or taking the plunge into cold ocean water in the dead of winter.
Effective immediately, travelers at all major New Zealand airports will be subject to this dramatic new requirement, aimed at ensuring that goodbyes don’t devolve into teary-eyed, sentimental sob-fests that may disrupt the high-paced environment of the airport. “We simply cannot have long, heartfelt farewells interfering with our travels,” declared the spokesperson in a statement that surely didn’t cause an uproar among the New Zealand emotional community. “Ever since we introduced the world’s first lottery system for carry-on luggage, we’ve realized that efficiency is the cornerstone of civilization. So, hugs next?”
The new regulation offers a generous margin of a three-minute embrace, during which time family members and friends can engage in what officials are calling a “speed-hug”: a powerful, purpose-driven send-off that maximizes emotional impact while minimizing disruption. Airport staff will be equipped with stopwatches to ensure compliance, and late huggers will be subject to hefty fines and mandatory group therapy sessions, presumably designed to alleviate their excessive emotional displays.
“Who wants to stand awkwardly for ten minutes, sniffing each other and begrudgingly letting go? That’s so yesterday,” said one exuberant traveler, seemingly unbothered by the emotional implications of regulated hugs. “I, for one, love the idea of rushing through goodbyes. Nothing says ‘I love you’ quite like letting go in under three minutes!”
In an effort to guide the three-minute farewell process, the airport has also introduced an innovative “Hug-o-Meter,” a state-of-the-art device that will flash red when time is running low, ensuring that sentimental goodbyes never get out of hand. Travelers are being encouraged to practice their farewell routines in a designated “Hug Zone” before their flight, where professional huggers will lead workshops on efficiency-focused goodbyes. “If you aren’t done hugging by the time the light turns green, you get a special parting gift—a comfort sticker that says ‘I didn’t break the rules!’” boasted a grinning airport employee.
Unconfirmed reports indicate that musicians are already rabidly penning songs about the heartbreak of such short-lived farewells. Rumor has it that a certain Kiwi pop star is even planning to release a single titled “Only Three Minutes.”
Critics of this audacious regulation, however, suggest that a time limit on emotional engagement may be a slippery slope leading to authoritarian behavior. “What’s next? Will they regulate crying at arrivals? Should I have timed greetings?” exclaimed an emotional traveler who was notably disregarding the new rule and, hilariously, had initiated a five-minute farewell anyway.
For now, travelers are showering under this bright, positive influence from their beloved country’s airport authorities, proving once again that practicality will always triumph over the unnecessary fluff of a sincere goodbye. At the end of the day, what could be more liberating than a measured two-minute and fifty-nine-second farewell?
