**BREAKING: MASSACHUSETTS MAN’S LOTTERY TICKET FROM 2002 WINS $1 MILLION… AND HE’S STILL NOT SURE HOW TO USE A SMARTPHONE TO CLAIM PRIZE**
In a stunning turn of events, a Massachusetts man has learned that his lottery ticket from 20 years ago has finally paid off, netting him a whopping $1 million jackpot!
John “Lucky” Jenkins, 62, of Worcester, MA, purchased the ticket in 2002, when the Patriots were still a relatively new team and the Red Sox were still cursed. Jenkins, a self-proclaimed “lottery enthusiast,” had all but given up on the ticket, but a friend, who was “good with technology,” recently scanned it and checked the numbers online.
To Jenkins’ utter shock, his ticket matched all six numbers, securing him a prize of $1 million. The winning numbers? 32, 19, 46, 21, 48, and 23. “I couldn’t believe it!” Jenkins exclaimed. “I thought I was going to have to sell my kidney on the black market to pay for my wife’s 20th anniversary gift!”
Jenkins claims he had all but forgotten about the ticket, which he purchased at a now-defunct convenience store in Westborough. “I stuck it in a drawer with my old high school yearbook and a VHS tape of ‘The Matrix,'” he said. “I thought it was just a relic of the past, but boy, was I wrong!”
When asked what he plans to do with his winnings, Jenkins replied, “Well, first things first, I’m going to buy a smartphone that actually works. Then, I’m going to invest in a time machine, so I can go back and buy more lottery tickets. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll treat myself to a lobster roll the size of my head.”
The Massachusetts Lottery Commission has confirmed Jenkins’ win and will present him with his prize at a special ceremony next week. When asked if he’s prepared for the sudden influx of cash, Jenkins quipped, “I’ve been practicing my ‘I’m a millionaire’ face in the mirror. My wife says I still look like a confused accountant, but hey, that’s just part of the charm!”
**UPDATE:** Jenkins has just announced that he’s using part of his winnings to start a support group for people who’ve held onto lottery tickets for decades. “It’s a thing, folks,” he said. “We’re calling it ‘Ticket-Holders Anonymous.'”
