**BREAKING: LOCAL WOMAN SHATTERS RECORD FOR LARGEST COCA-COLA COLLECTION, AGAIN!**
In a stunning upset, 62-year-old Agnes P. Bottomsworth of rural North Carolina has reclaimed her title as the Guinness World Record holder for the largest collection of Coca-Cola memorabilia. And by “largest collection,” we mean it’s so massive that it’s been detected by NASA’s radar and has its own gravitational pull.
According to eyewitnesses, Agnes’s sprawling collection, which she’s been accumulating over the past 40 years, has grown to an astonishing 427,812 items, including vintage bottles, cans, posters, and even a Coca-Cola-shaped hot tub. Yes, you read that right – a hot tub.
The collection, which has spilled out of Agnes’s house and into her backyard, has become a local landmark, attracting visitors from all over the world. “It’s like a shrine to Coca-Cola,” said one awestruck tourist. “I’ve seen people propose to their significant others in front of the giant Coke bottle replica. It’s like a mecca.”
Agnes, a self-proclaimed “Coca-Cola aficionado,” began her collection in 1982, when she received a Coke-themed toaster as a gift. From there, her passion snowballed (or should we say, fizzed?) into an all-consuming obsession. “I just couldn’t get enough of that sweet, sweet Coke,” she said, surrounded by her beloved treasures.
When asked about her secret to success, Agnes credited her “obsessive personality” and a “healthy dose of hoarding.” Her husband, Bubba, chuckled and added, “And a willingness to take out a second mortgage on our house… 12 times.”
The Guinness World Records officials, who arrived on the scene to verify Agnes’s collection, were left speechless. “We’ve never seen anything like it,” said a spokesperson. “We’re just glad we didn’t have to bring a forklift to carry the certificate.”
Agnes plans to continue adding to her collection, much to the dismay of her neighbors, who have reportedly started a petition to have her collection relocated to a nearby landfill.
**UPDATE:** Coca-Cola’s CEO has announced plans to build a museum in Agnes’s honor, which will feature a life-size replica of her collection. When asked about the plans, Agnes simply smiled and said, “That’s just the icing on the Coke cake.”
