**BREAKING: TSA Crackdown on Warehouse Club Enthusiasts**
In a shocking move, the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) announced yesterday that those coveted Costco membership cards will no longer be accepted as valid identification at airport security checkpoints.
According to sources, the TSA has been flooded with complaints about people trying to breeze through security with their shiny Costco cards, claiming they were “totally, definitely, absolutely” a real form of ID.
“We’re not sure what kind of sorcery some people think is at play here,” said a TSA spokesperson, “but let us be clear: a $60 annual fee does not grant you carte blanche to skip the security line with a warehouse club card.”
The news has sent shockwaves through the travel community, with many Costco enthusiasts taking to social media to express their outrage.
“But… but… my Costco card has my name on it!” exclaimed one disgruntled traveler. “And it’s got a hologram! What more could you want?”
The TSA was firm in their stance, however, citing “not actually being a real ID” as the reason for the crackdown.
In related news, sales of oversized novelty sunglasses and fedoras have skyrocketed, as desperate travelers attempt to find new ways to “totally, definitely, absolutely” prove their identity at airport security checkpoints.
**UPDATE:** The TSA has announced that they will begin accepting other forms of questionable identification, including library cards, gym memberships, and Pokémon cards (limit 5 per person).
