**BREAKING: BISON ON THE LOOSE!**
In a bizarre incident that has left residents of a small Polish village in stitches, a marauding bison broke free from its enclosure and went on a rampage… of healthy snacking.
The furry fugitive, named Boris by locals, was spotted roaming the streets of the village, leaving a trail of destruction and ravaged gardens in its wake. But it wasn’t just any ordinary destruction – Boris had his sights set on the most prized and nutritious of snacks: kale, quinoa, and organic granola.
“I was just sipping my morning coffee when I saw this massive bison strolling down my street,” said Jadwiga Kowalska, a resident of the village. “At first, I thought it was a prank, but then I saw it sniffing out my neighbor’s garden and I knew we had a problem on our hands.”
According to eyewitnesses, Boris made a beeline for the garden of 75-year-old Stanislaw Zaleski, where he proceeded to devour an entire crop of kale, crunching through stalks like they were potato chips.
“It was like he had a PhD in kale-snacking,” said Zaleski, still shaken by the encounter. “I’ve never seen anything like it. He even left a review on my garden gnome’s Facebook page – ‘5/5 stars, would munch again’.”
But Boris wasn’t satisfied with just kale. He went on to raid several other gardens, sampling a variety of healthy snacks including quinoa salad, chia seed pudding, and even a batch of vegan brownies.
“I tried to shoo him away, but he just gave me a smug look and said ‘you can’t handle the truth… about the benefits of plant-based eating’,” said a flabbergasted Kowalska.
Authorities eventually managed to corral Boris and return him to his enclosure, but not before he had left a lasting impression on the village.
As one resident quipped, “Who needs a gym when you have a bison on the loose? I mean, have you seen those biceps?”
The incident has left villagers in stitches, but also raised concerns about the potential health benefits of bison-led snacking.
“I mean, if Boris can get people to eat their greens, I’m all for it,” said Kowalska with a chuckle. “Maybe we can even start a bison-led wellness program – ‘BisonFit’ has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?”
