**LAS VEGAS MAN DEFIES DEATH, DESTROYS KNEES IN BIZARRE ATTEMPT TO BREAK WORLD RECORD**
In a jaw-dropping display of masochism and sheer determination, 32-year-old Las Vegas resident, Dave Wilson, spent an astonishing 22 hours and 59 minutes running up and down the stairs in his home to attempt to break the Guinness World Record for the fastest time to ascend and descend the height of Mount Everest on stairs.
Wilson, a self-proclaimed “stair-ascending enthusiast,” tackled the grueling challenge in his modest two-story home, using his staircase as a makeshift Mount Everest. The Everest-like feat involved ascending and descending the equivalent of the mountain’s 29,029 feet, but with a twist – Wilson did it all within the confines of his own home.
“I just wanted to see how long I could keep going without completely losing my mind,” Wilson said in an interview, grimacing in pain. “I mean, who needs a social life when you can spend 23 hours going up and down stairs?”
According to eyewitnesses, Wilson’s stair-climbing extravaganza began at 8:00 AM on Saturday and didn’t end until 7:55 AM on Sunday. The intense physical activity left him exhausted, his legs trembling like jelly, and his knees screaming in agony.
“I think I might have permanent damage to my knees,” Wilson said, wincing in pain. “But hey, it’ll be worth it if I get that Guinness World Record.”
As Wilson climbed, he reportedly listened to an endless loop of motivational speeches and Rocky soundtracks to keep himself pumped up. At one point, he even donned a pair of makeshift climbing goggles and a headlamp to simulate the high-altitude climbing experience.
Despite the questionable sanity of his endeavor, Wilson’s family and friends were on hand to cheer him on, mostly out of morbid curiosity.
“I was worried he was going to hurt himself, but I also didn’t want to be the one to stop him,” said Wilson’s wife, Sarah. “I mean, who am I to crush a man’s dreams… or his knee caps?”
Guinness World Records officials have yet to verify Wilson’s attempt, but if successful, he will undoubtedly earn a spot in the record books and a lifetime supply of ibuprofen.
In related news, local sales of ice packs, knee braces, and stair-climbing equipment have skyrocketed, and Wilson’s neighbors have reported a significant increase in noise complaints.
**UPDATE**: Wilson has announced plans to attempt to break his own record by climbing the stairs of his home while carrying a 50-pound backpack. When asked why, he simply shrugged and said, “Why not?”
