**BREAKING: SNAKE-GATE ROCKS HONG KONG COMMUTE**
In a jaw-dropping, spine-tingling, and utterly absurd turn of events, a massive, slithery menace brought rush hour traffic to a screeching halt in Hong Kong today. A gigantic snake, estimated to be a whopping 10 FEET LONG (not just over a foot, mind you), was spotted slithering through the aisles of a packed train during the morning commute.
Panic set in as the gargantuan serpent, described by eyewitnesses as “thick as a man’s thigh” and “with eyes that glowed like embers,” began making its way through the crowded carriage. Commuters were seen shrieking, crying, and leaping onto seats as the snake appeared to be heading straight for the coffee cart.
“It was like something out of a horror movie,” said one traumatized passenger, who wished to remain anonymous. “I was just trying to get to work, and then suddenly there’s this…this…MONSTER on the train! I mean, I’ve seen some wild things in Hong Kong, but this was on a whole other level.”
The train, which was packed with over 500 screaming commuters, was immediately evacuated and placed on an emergency “snake-protocol” lockdown. Specially trained snake-handling units were rushed to the scene, and after a tense standoff, the behemoth reptile was finally coaxed off the train and into a waiting snake-ambulance.
“I’ve never seen anything like it,” said a Hong Kong MTR spokesperson. “We’re just glad no one was seriously hurt…except for one passenger who allegedly suffered a severe case of ‘snake-induced trauma’ and had to be administered an emergency ice cream cone.”
The train has been taken out of service for a thorough “snake-sanitization” and is expected to re-enter circulation once it’s been thoroughly scrubbed and exorcised. Meanwhile, commuters are being advised to be on the lookout for any rogue reptiles lurking in the shadows, and to always, ALWAYS keep their wits about them during rush hour.
**UPDATE:** The snake, which has been identified as a rare species of “Mega-Snake-Tron,” is currently being held for further study and possible re-homing at the Hong Kong Ocean Park.
