**BREAKING: ROGUE BULL ON THE LOOSE IN CONNECTICUT, RESIDENTS ADVISED TO STAY INDOORS AND HIDE BEHIND COUCHES**
In a bizarre incident that has left authorities baffled and citizens bewildered, a Scottish Highland bull named Waldo has escaped from a local farm and is currently roaming the streets of Connecticut.
Eyewitnesses describe Waldo as a “furry, horned menace” who appears to be on a mission to destroy all things dairy-related. The 1,000-pound behemoth has been spotted smashing through garden gnomes, overturning trash cans, and leaving a trail of destruction in his wake.
“I was just mowing my lawn when suddenly, out of nowhere, this giant, fluffy monster comes charging towards me,” said local resident, Jane Doe. “I mean, I’ve seen some big cows in my day, but this guy was like a tank with a bad attitude.”
Waldo, who stands at an impressive 6 feet tall at the shoulder, has been identified as a Scottish Highland bull with a penchant for adventure and a taste for chaos.
“He’s a bit of a handful, that one,” said farm owner, John Smith. “We were milking him yesterday, and he just suddenly decided to make a break for it. We’re not sure what his problem is, but we’re working on finding a solution before he hurts someone.”
As authorities scramble to corral the wayward bull, residents are advised to remain indoors and keep all dairy products securely locked away.
“We’re taking this situation very seriously,” said Chief of Police, James Johnson. “We don’t want anyone to get hurt, and we definitely don’t want Waldo to get his hooves on any more milk or cheese.”
Meanwhile, local business owners are capitalizing on the situation, selling “I survived the Great Waldo Escape” t-shirts and offering “Waldo sighting” tours of the area.
“It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity,” said tourist information officer, Sarah Lee. “We’re embracing our inner ‘bull-riding’ spirit and making the most of this unusual situation.”
As the search for Waldo continues, one thing is certain: Connecticut will never be the same again.
**UPDATE:** Waldo has just been spotted on I-95, causing a 5-mile traffic jam. Residents are advised to stay calm and keep their fingers crossed that he doesn’t get a taste for gasoline.
