BREAKING: Regent’s Radical Plan to Ensure Huskers’ Eternal Tailgating Dominance
LINCOLN, NE – In a shocking move, University of Nebraska Regent, Harold “The Husker Hater” Hansen, has unveiled a bold proposal that promises to take Cornhusker fandom to new and unprecedented heights – literally. In a bid to ensure that Huskers fans can continue to tailgate, chant, and generally make merry for all eternity, Regent Hansen has announced plans to build a massive, gleaming “Husker Heaven” theme park in the afterlife.
According to sources close to the regent, the proposed theme park would feature a range of attractions designed to satisfy even the most ardent Huskers fan. These would include:
* A replica of Memorial Stadium, complete with a colossal, flaming “N” that would be visible from the Pearly Gates themselves
* A “Tailgating Tunnel of Terror” where fans could relive their most epic tailgating experiences
* A “Scotty Frost’s Favorite Foods” buffet, serving up endless plates of Runza, chili, and other Cornhusker culinary delights
* A “Husker-Tron 3000” simulator, allowing fans to relive their favorite games and yell at the refs to their heart’s content
* And, of course, a “Tom Osborne’s Trophy Room” where fans could marvel at the legendary coach’s numerous awards and accolades
But that’s not all – Regent Hansen has also promised that the theme park would be staffed by a team of highly trained, heaven-sent “Husker-bots” who would cater to fans’ every need, from refilling their plates of nachos to providing play-by-play commentary on the eternal Husker games.
When asked about the proposal, Regent Hansen exclaimed, “We want to give our fans the ultimate experience – a chance to live their passion for the Huskers for all eternity! Who wouldn’t want to spend eternity surrounded by fellow fans, great food, and the thrill of competition? It’s a no-brainer!”
The proposal is expected to be met with widespread enthusiasm from the Cornhusker faithful, who are already taking to social media to express their excitement and demand that the regent make it happen.
Of course, some have raised concerns about the logistics of building a theme park in the afterlife, not to mention the potential impact on the local heavenly economy. But Regent Hansen remains undeterred, insisting that “with great power comes great responsibility” and that he’s willing to take on the challenge.
Stay tuned for further updates on this developing story – and don’t forget to pack your sunscreen, because it’s going to be a wild ride!
