**BREAKING: FOWL PLAY ROCKS GREAT SALT LAKE STATE PARK**
In a bizarre incident that has left wildlife experts and park officials scratching their heads, a partially submerged, bewildered-looking turkey was spotted washing up on the shores of the Great Salt Lake in Utah. The bird, which eyewitnesses described as “well-done” and “decidedly un-Thankful,” was later confirmed to have been brined in the lake’s famously buoyant waters.
According to park rangers, the ill-fated fowl was discovered by a group of beachcombers, who initially thought it was a “really big, really dead seagull.” However, upon closer inspection, they were shocked to discover the turkey’s telltale signs of brining: a slightly pinkish hue, a suspiciously smooth texture, and a lingering aroma of herbs and spices.
“I was just out for a stroll, enjoying the scenery, when I saw this…this thing washing up on the shore,” said local resident, Jane Doe. “At first, I thought it was a prank, but then I saw the giblet bag still attached to its leg and I just burst out laughing. I mean, who tries to brine a turkey in a lake?”
Park officials are urging residents to refrain from using the Great Salt Lake as a giant brine tank, citing concerns about water quality, wildlife safety, and just plain common sense.
“We understand that the Great Salt Lake is a natural wonder, but it’s not a giant turkey brine,” said Park Ranger, Bob Smith. “We appreciate the creativity, but please, for the love of all things avian, use a traditional brine or, you know, just cook the thing in the oven like a normal person.”
As the investigation into the mysterious turkey continues, park officials are warning residents to keep their holiday cooking traditions to the kitchen, where they belong.
In related news, the Great Salt Lake State Park & Marina has announced a new “Turkey Brine-Free Zone” initiative, complete with educational signage and a special “Don’t Be a Fowl Ball” social media campaign.
Stay tuned for further updates on this developing story, and in the meantime, please, for the love of all things good and holy, don’t try to brine your turkey in the Great Salt Lake.
