**BREAKING: EMU-GEDDON STRIKES WELD COUNTY… AGAIN!**
In a bizarre series of events that has left residents scratching their heads, a rogue emu brought chaos to the quiet streets of Weld County, Colorado… for the second time in as many as five days. Because, why not?
According to eyewitnesses, the flightless bird, estimated to be around 6 feet tall and sporting a menacing glare, was seen strolling down Main Street, sending pedestrians running for cover and small children crying for their mothers.
“I was just trying to get to the coffee shop for my morning caffeine fix,” said local resident, Jane Doe, “when suddenly, this… this… THING comes barreling down the sidewalk, flapping its wings and squawking like a deranged banshee!”
Deputies from the Weld County Sheriff’s Office sprang into action, deploying their highly trained Emu Wrangling Unit (EWU) to contain the situation. After a thrilling high-speed chase, which reached speeds of up to 30 miles per hour (the emu’s top speed, not the deputies’ vehicles), the bird was finally corralled and returned to its (presumably) bemused owner.
This marks the second emu-related incident in as many days, with the first occurrence involving a similarly errant emu that was spotted playing the harmonica on top of a parked car.
When asked for comment, Weld County Sheriff, John Smith, shook his head and muttered, “I don’t know what’s going on with these emus, but I’m starting to think they’re plotting something. Or maybe they just really love Colorado.”
The emu, whose name has not been released (but is rumored to be “Cluck Norris”), is currently being held for further examination and possible emu-therapy to prevent future great escapes.
Stay tuned for further updates on this developing story, and in the meantime, residents are advised to keep a safe distance from any rogue emus that may be lurking in the area. Or, you know, just keep a spare coffee cup handy. You never know when you might need it.
