**BREAKING: MIRROR MONOLITH APOCALYPSE SWEEPS COLORADO, RESIDENTS TOLD TO STOCK UP ON SELFIE STICKS**
Fort Collins, CO – In a bizarre and terrifying turn of events, a gargantuan mirrored monolith has materialized in the middle of a rural pasture in northern Colorado, leaving residents scratching their heads and frantically Googling “what does it mean?”
This is not, however, the first time one of these mysterious structures has appeared in the region. Just last week, a similar mirrored monolith was discovered in a nearby town, sparking widespread panic, excitement, and at least one garage sale.
The new monolith, which stands at an astonishing 20 feet tall and 5 feet wide, has been described as “a giant metal rectangle with a reflective surface that can be seen from space… and also from my living room window.” Witnesses claim that the structure is so shiny, they’ve had to start wearing sunglasses at 6 am to avoid being blinded by its radiant glow.
“I was out collecting eggs from my chicken coop when I saw it,” said local farmer, Jedediah P. Bottomsworth. “At first, I thought it was just a really big hubcap, but then I got closer and realized it was… well, I’m not really sure what it is, but it’s definitely a thing.”
As news of the monolith spread, social media was flooded with theories, including:
* It’s a portal to another dimension, and aliens are coming for our avocado toast.
* It’s a giant mirror, and we’re all just reflections of each other in a never-ending cycle of selfie-taking.
* It’s a marketing stunt for a new line of mirrored sunglasses, and we’re all just pawns in a game of corporate mind control.
Meanwhile, local authorities are urging residents to remain calm and to please, for the love of all things sane, do not attempt to take selfies with the monolith while wearing mirrored sunglasses.
“We’re not sure what the monolith is or what its purpose is,” said Sheriff John D. Fuzzypants, “but we’re working closely with experts to determine its origin and/or whether it’s just a really big paperweight.”
In related news, the local hardware store has reported a surge in sales of reflective tape, and the town’s yoga studios are offering special “Monolith Meditation” classes to help residents cope with the existential dread of it all.
