**BRITISH BEARCAT BREAKS BONE-CHOOSING, HEART-STOPPING, RECORD-BREAKING GUINNESS WORLD RECORD!**
In a death-defying, jaw-dropping, and utterly bonkers stunt, British daredevil, Nigel “The Nutty Navigator” Nelson, was intentionally dragged behind his motorcycle at a mind-boggling 159.52 miles per hour, shattering the previous Guinness World Record for “Fastest Speed Dragged Behind a Motorcycle While Possibly Losing One’s Marbles.”
The heart-stopping, spine-tingling, and possibly-insane stunt took place on a sun-drenched, deserted stretch of highway in the middle of nowhere, where Nelson, a seasoned thrill-seeker with a death wish, was attached to the back of his trusty steed, a customized motorcycle driven by his mate, Dave “The Daredevil Driver” Davies.
As the bike roared to life, Nelson, clad in a specially designed, extra-large, flame-retardant onesie, held on for dear life while being dragged behind the bike like a human kite on steroids. The crowd of onlookers, comprising of paramedics, priests, and a few curious onlookers, watched in awe as Nelson’s face turned a lovely shade of puce, his eyes bulged like a frog’s, and his hair flowed behind him like a golden halo of madness.
“I’ve always wanted to push the limits of human endurance and possibly get a good spot on the ‘Top 10 Most Insane Stunts’ list,” Nelson exclaimed in a post-record interview, still shaking like a leaf. “And what’s a better way to do that than being dragged behind a motorcycle at breakneck speeds while questioning my life choices?”
The previous record holder, a brave soul named Bob “The Bungee Bandit” Brown, was left stunned and speechless upon hearing the news. “I thought I was crazy, but Nigel takes the biscuit – or should I say, the entire bakery?” Brown said, chuckling nervously.
Guinness World Records officials, who were on hand to verify the record, confirmed that Nelson’s speed was not only record-breaking but also potentially record- shattering to his dental work. “We’re thrilled to welcome Nigel to the exclusive club of daredevils who have achieved this incredible feat,” said a spokesperson. “And we’re also thrilled that he’s still alive to tell the tale – and possibly collect a large insurance payout.”
Nelson’s achievement has sparked a flurry of interest among thrill-seekers and adrenaline junkies worldwide, with many calling for a new category: “Most Likely to Give Your Parents a Heart Attack.” When asked about his next stunt, Nelson simply grinned mischievously and whispered, “I’ve got a plan to get dragged behind a speeding bullet train… or possibly just a really fast skateboard.”
