**BREAKING: Irish Soccer Sensation Shatters World Record with Cannon-Like Kick**
DUBLIN, IRELAND – In a jaw-dropping display of athleticism and sheer brute force, Irish soccer player Seamus O’Flaherty has set a new Guinness World Record for the longest soccer ball throw, launching the ball an astonishing 127 feet, 5 inches into the stratosphere.
Eyewitnesses described the scene as “apocalyptic” and “like something out of a cartoon” as O’Flaherty, 25, unleashed his mighty arm, sending the ball soaring over the heads of bewildered spectators and likely into the orbit of the International Space Station.
“I just let it rip, and, well, I suppose you could say it was a bit of a rocket,” a grinning O’Flaherty said in a post-record interview. “I’ve been practicing me throws for months, and I knew I had it in me. But, honestly, I didn’t think it was going that far! I mean, I’m pretty sure I saw a few birds taking shelter in the nearby trees.”
The previous record holder, a Norwegian player named Bjorn Jensen, was on hand to witness the record-breaking throw. “I was just standing there, thinking, ‘Ah, he’s not going to get close to my record,’ and then…WHAM! The ball was gone. I mean, I think I saw it hit the moon. Okay, maybe not, but it was definitely out of sight,” Jensen exclaimed.
As news of the record-breaking throw spread, fans and fellow athletes took to social media to congratulate O’Flaherty on his incredible achievement. “This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen,” tweeted former English Premier League star, David Beckham. “Seamus, you’re a bloody genius! Can you teach me how to do that?”
The Irish Football Association has announced plans to build a statue of O’Flaherty in his hometown of Cork, with a plaque reading: “Seamus O’Flaherty: The Arm of God.”
When asked what his next goal was, O’Flaherty quipped, “Well, I’ve been thinking of trying to kick the ball into orbit and then maybe even onto Mars. You know, just to see if it’s possible. And if I can get a sponsorship deal with NASA, that’d be grand, too.”
**UPDATE:** The Guinness World Records committee has announced that they will be sending a team to verify O’Flaherty’s record, complete with high-speed cameras, Doppler radar, and a team of rocket scientists. Stay tuned for further updates on this developing story!
