**BREAKING: Japanese City Goes Rogue, Announces Draconian Measure to Save Citizens from Glare of Screens**
In a shocking move, the city of Tokushima, Japan has declared war on smartphone addiction by proposing a radical new law that would limit residents’ screen time to a mere 2 hours per day. The draconian decree has sent shockwaves throughout the nation, with many citizens wondering how they will survive without their trusty sidekicks.
According to city officials, the measure is designed to combat the growing epidemic of “Screen-Induced Trauma” (SIT), a condition characterized by symptoms such as numb thumbs, strained eyes, and an increased risk of accidentally ordering pizza at 3am.
“We’re not trying to be the smartphone police,” said Tokushima Mayor, Hiroshi Nakamura. “But we have to take drastic action to save our citizens from the clutches of social media, online shopping, and cat videos. It’s a matter of national security…or at least, our sanity.”
Under the proposed law, residents would be allowed to use their smartphones for a maximum of 2 hours per day, with strict penalties for non-compliance. First-time offenders would be forced to watch a 24-hour marathon of Japanese soap operas, while repeat offenders would be subjected to a grueling regimen of traditional tea ceremonies and origami lessons.
But that’s not all – the city has also established a special task force, known as the “Smartphone SWAT Team,” to patrol the streets and catch rogue screen-users in the act. Armed with an arsenal of iPads and Samsung tablets, these elite officers will be empowered to confiscate offending devices and impose on-the-spot fines.
The news has sparked a heated debate, with some residents applauding the measure as a bold step towards reclaiming their lives, while others have vowed to fight the “Smartphone Tyranny.”
“I don’t know how I’ll survive without my phone,” said local resident, Yui Tanaka. “I mean, what if I need to check my email…or Instagram…or…oh wait, I just realized I’ve been staring at my phone for 20 minutes.”
In related news, shares of Nintendo have skyrocketed, as citizens desperately seek alternative forms of entertainment to fill the void left by their confiscated smartphones.
**UPDATE:** The city of Tokushima has just announced that it will be offering a special “Screen Detox” program, which includes a complimentary Nintendo Switch and a year’s supply of Pokémon Go Plus accessories.
