**BREAKING: Mandrill at Arizona Zoo Dubbed the World’s Oldest at 37 – and Still Going Strong (or at Least Still Eating Strong)!**
In a shocking turn of events, the Arizona Zoo is proudly announcing that its resident mandrill, Bongo McSnoutface, has been officially recognized as the oldest mandrill in the world at the ripe age of 37! We’re not sure what’s more impressive, Bongo’s age or his impressive collection of dad jokes.
According to zoo officials, Bongo’s age is not only a record-breaker for mandrills, but it’s also a testament to the zoo’s exceptional care and Bongo’s own exceptional eating habits (he’s particularly fond of bananas, by the way). “We’re thrilled to have Bongo as part of our zoo family,” said zookeeper, Jane Smith. “He’s still as feisty and charismatic as ever, and we’re not sure what’s more impressive, his age or his ability to eat an entire pizza by himself.”
Bongo, who was born on November 12, 1985, has been living at the Arizona Zoo since 2001. When asked about the secret to his longevity, Bongo simply shrugged and said, “I guess it’s all about eating lots of bananas and taking long naps in the sun.” He then proceeded to do a little dance, which we’re pretty sure is a mandrill version of the cha cha slide.
As part of his 37th birthday celebration, Bongo was treated to a special cake made of his favorite foods: bananas, apples, and… more bananas. The cake was so big that it had to be delivered by a forklift, and Bongo was so excited that he did a backflip off the trampoline (okay, maybe not that last one, but we’re pretty sure he was excited).
Bongo’s achievement has sparked a flurry of excitement among primate enthusiasts and zoo fans worldwide. “I’m absolutely delighted to hear about Bongo’s record-breaking age,” said Dr. Jane Thompson, a leading expert on primate longevity. “I’m pretty sure he’s the oldest mandrill in the world, but don’t quote me on that – I’m not exactly a math whiz.”
In related news, the Arizona Zoo has announced plans to throw Bongo a 38th birthday party next year, complete with a giant banana split and a special appearance by the Mandrill King himself. Stay tuned for more updates on this developing story!
