**BREAKING: “Literally Anybody Else” Throws Hat into the Ring, Announces Candidacy for President**
In a shocking turn of events, a man named Literally Anybody Else has announced his candidacy for President of the United States. Sources close to the candidate confirm that he is, in fact, willing to be president and is not just saying that to get out of jury duty.
According to his campaign website, Literally Anybody Else (real name: possibly, but not really) is a 35-year-old “guy who’s pretty sure he’d be better at this than the current guy.” A self-described “not- politician,” Literally Anybody Else promises to bring a fresh perspective to the White House, mainly because he’s not entirely sure what the current perspective is.
When asked about his qualifications, Literally Anybody Else replied, “Well, I’m pretty sure I’m not a convicted felon, and I can definitely use a stapler. Oh, and I have a Netflix password!”
His platform, dubbed “Anybody Else-ism,” focuses on three core promises:
1. Free tacos for everyone, because who doesn’t love tacos?
2. A guaranteed nap time every afternoon, because adulting is hard.
3. An immediate investigation into the mystery of the missing socks in the wash.
Supporters of Literally Anybody Else claim that he’s “not a total disaster waiting to happen” and that his lack of experience is actually a strength. “I mean, think about it,” said one enthusiastic volunteer. “He’s not beholden to any special interests… mainly because he doesn’t know who they are.”
When asked about potential running mates, Literally Anybody Else said, “Uh, I don’t know… maybe my buddy Dave? He’s got a really nice beard.”
In a bold move, Literally Anybody Else has already secured the endorsement of his mom, who said, “I’m biased, but I think he’s the best candidate out there. And if he doesn’t win, I’ll still love him.”
The campaign’s social media accounts are already blowing up, with supporters using the hashtag #AnybodyElseForPresident and opponents tweeting #NotMyLiterallyAnybodyElse.
As one pundit noted, “Literally Anybody Else might not be the most qualified candidate, but he’s definitely the most… literally anybody else.”
