BREAKING: TACOMA, WASH. – IN A BIZARRE INCIDENT THAT LEFT RESIDENTS GASPING IN SHOCK, A PAIR OF ROGUE HORSES WREAKED HAVOC ON THE STREETS OF TACOMA, LEAVING A TRAIL OF DESTRUCTION, CHAOS, AND UTTER PANDEMONIUM IN THEIR WAKE.
Eyewitnesses described the scene as “absolute pandemonium” as the two marauding steeds, later identified as “Mr. Ed” and “Starlight,” galloped wildly through downtown Tacoma, sending pedestrians scrambling for cover and leaving a path of destruction in their wake.
“I was just sipping my coffee and enjoying the morning sunshine when suddenly, out of nowhere, these two equine menaces came thundering down the sidewalk, manes flowing in the wind, neighing loudly, and leaving a cloud of dust and debris in their wake,” said local resident, Jane Doe. “I mean, I’ve seen some crazy things in Tacoma, but this was something else. I thought it was the apocalypse or something!”
The horses, estimated to be around 5,000 pounds of unbridled fury, careened through the streets, smashing trash cans, knocking over parked cars, and sending startled pedestrians running for cover.
“It was like they were in a rodeo or something,” said Tacoma Police Chief, John Smith. “They were bucking, kicking, and generally causing a ruckus. We had to call in the cavalry – literally. We’re just lucky no one was seriously hurt, except for one poor soul who got trampled while trying to take a selfie with the horses.”
Sheriff’s deputies, who were quickly summoned to the scene, were forced to don cowboy hats and boots to tackle the situation, lassoing the wayward horses and corralling them into a nearby parking lot.
“It was a real Wild West showdown,” said Deputy Jim Johnson, who was part of the team that brought the horses to heel. “I’ve never seen anything like it. We’re just glad we were able to wrangle them without anyone getting hurt – except for our pride, of course.”
The horses, who are believed to have escaped from a nearby farm, are currently being held in a secure location, where they are receiving a special award for “Most Likely to Cause Chaos and Destruction in a Major Metropolitan Area.”
In related news, the city of Tacoma has announced plans to install horse-proof fencing around all major intersections and to provide cowboy hat training for all residents in preparation for future equine emergencies.
