**BREAKING: LOTTERY WINNER’S LIFE TURNS UPSIDE DOWN AFTER $1 MILLION JACKPOT WIN IN MASSACHUSETTS**
In a stunning turn of events, local resident and self-proclaimed ” Lottery Whisperer” Jack Harris, 32, of New York, has won the top prize of $1 million in the Massachusetts Lottery’s “Mega Millions…ish” game while visiting his buddy, Dave, in the Bay State.
According to eyewitnesses, Harris purchased the winning ticket at a Quincy convenience store, where he allegedly spent 20 minutes deliberating over which numbers to choose, ultimately deciding on a combination of his favorite pizza toppings.
“I just had a feeling about 32, 14, 27, 42, and 69,” Harris said in an exclusive interview. “I mean, who wouldn’t want to play those numbers?”
The winning ticket, which Harris purchased for a whopping $5, was matched against the drawing, and to the surprise of no one, Harris’s numbers were the exact match. Pandemonium ensued as Harris leapt into the air, spilling his giant coffee and knocking over a nearby pyramid of lottery tickets.
“I was so shocked, I think I might have actually grown a few inches,” Harris exclaimed. “My friend Dave was with me, and he just started crying. I mean, who wouldn’t cry when someone wins $1 million?”
Harris plans to use his winnings to buy a private island, a collection of exotic pets, and a year’s supply of pizza.
When asked about his plans for the future, Harris quipped, “I’m going to live the high life, bro. I’ll be eating caviar for breakfast, flying first class to Timbuktu, and having my own entourage of professional hammock-testers.”
The Massachusetts Lottery Commission has confirmed that Harris’s win is one of the largest in state history, and officials are urging residents to come forward and claim their own prizes, lest they miss out on a life of luxury and pizza.
In related news, Harris’s friend Dave has announced that he will be starting a petition to make Harris’s favorite pizza toppings the official state pizza of Massachusetts.
