**Breaking: Colorado Bear Announced as Newest Real Estate Agent, Specializing in Mountain Retreats**
TELLURIDE, CO – In a stunning display of home invasion acumen, a bear in Colorado has set the bar for aspiring real estate agents everywhere. Wildlife officials have released security camera footage showcasing a bear effortlessly gliding through a doorway of a Telluride-area residence, proving that wilderness instincts are the key to successful property acquisition. Forget the high costs of real estate courses; simply channel your inner bear and you’ll be uninvited to a housewarming party in no time!
The video, which has gone viral faster than you can say, “What’s that scratching at my door?” captures the furry entrepreneur elegantly twisting the doorknob and making himself at home, probably evaluating the living room’s feng shui. Posh mountain homes weep at their fortifications’ failure, while local real estate agents are questioning if they should recruit bears for their clientele.
As the bear sauntered in, one can only assume he was unscrewing the lid on his favorite bottle of Pinot to make the most of his hospitality. Residents report that the bear had impeccable taste, eyeing up a few interesting pieces of decor before he graciously decided against throwing a full-on rager. Instead, he made a quick exit, confirming that first impressions really do count in the world of real estate—who wants to take that party outside to the thrill of garbage cans anyway?
Local homeowners are expressing a mix of awe and panic, debating whether to invest in bear-proof doors or simply put up “In Bear We Trust” banners outside their homes. “I mean, if a bear can do it, so can I, right?” one homeowner quipped, rolling her eyes while checking her “how to bear-proof your home” checklist.
Wildlife officials could not be reached for immediate comment, likely burdened by the influx of inquiries about their own home security systems after this bear-ware revelation. One official did manage to comment, advising homeowners to try to avoid “silly human constructions” if they want their homes to remain private. “Build a moat if you must,” was their parting advice, delivered with a chuckle that could only be interpreted as passive acceptance of their newfound fame as the wildlife version of life coaches.
Merely opening doors is so last year—it seems that bears in Colorado are taking full advantage of the current housing market situation. As bipedal mammals wrestle with the idea of affordability, it’s comforting to know there’s a furry friend out there that not only possesses the strength of a bull but the dexterity of a seasoned human burglar.
To the bears of Telluride: Welcome to the world of real estate, where the only thing you’re likely to catch is a free meal and the occasional away team owner with a hefty security system. Now, if only we could figure out how to sell these bears on working for us instead of against us. Here’s hoping the next time Colorado’s wildlife officials share another video, it’s of a bear flipping through a rental brochure instead of rifling through our cupboards.
