**BREAKING: Local Man’s Jaw-Dropping, Record-Breaking, and Utterly Ridiculous Skateboarding Feat Stuns Nation**
In a daredevil stunt that has left experts aghast and onlookers giggling, 32-year-old Long Island native, Dave “The Skateboarding Sensation” Saunders, completed an epic 3,162-mile journey across the United States on his trusty skateboard, “Bertha.”
Saunders, a self-proclaimed “extreme sports enthusiast” and “professional snack food connoisseur,” embarked on his odyssey on May 1st, setting off from the iconic Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, California. With a determined glint in his eye and a backpack full of beef jerky, energy bars, and a spare set of knee pads, Saunders began his quest to become the first person to ever skateboard from coast to coast.
As he traversed the country, Saunders encountered a multitude of challenges, including treacherous terrain, inclement weather, and an alarming number of curious squirrels. Undaunted, he persevered, fueled by his unwavering dedication to the craft and an endless supply of iced coffee.
“It was tough, but I was tougher,” Saunders declared in an exclusive interview. “I mean, have you ever tried to navigate a skateboard through a swarm of bees while eating a chicken parmesan sandwich? It’s not easy, let me tell you.”
As Saunders crossed into New York State, he was greeted as a hero by locals, who were amazed by his unwavering balance and impressive collection of skateboarding-themed tattoos.
“I was on the sidewalk, and I saw this guy coming towards me on a skateboard, and I thought, ‘Is this a daredevil or a lunatic?'” said Jane Doe, a awestruck onlooker from Albany. “Then I saw his shirt, which said ‘I’m not crazy, I’m just passionate about skateboarding,’ and I just burst out laughing.”
Saunders finally reached the eastern terminus of his journey on July 15th, landing safely on the shores of Long Island Sound, where he was greeted by a cheering crowd, a hero’s welcome, and a well-deserved ice cream cone.
When asked about his plans for the future, Saunders quipped, “I’m thinking of skateboarding around the world… or at least to the nearest pizza place. Either way, it’s gonna be a wild ride!”
**UPDATE:** Saunders has announced plans to write a bestselling memoir about his journey, tentatively titled “The Skateboarding Odyssey: A Journey of Self-Discovery, Beef Jerky, and Questionable Life Choices.”
