BREAKING: HOLLYWOOD IN CHAOS AS AWARDS SEASON GETS WEIRD
In a shocking turn of events, the usually staid world of Hollywood awards has taken a dramatic turn. Sources close to the industry confirm that the usual “best” categories – Actor, Actress, Director, and Picture – have been completely upstaged by a slew of bizarre and hilarious new categories.
This year, the coveted golden statuettes will be handed out in categories such as:
* Best Use of Product Placement (winner: a film that featured a 10-minute cameo by a popular breakfast cereal mascot)
* Most Creative Use of Explosions (winner: a blockbuster action film that somehow managed to blow up a entire city block without hurting anyone…except for one accountant)
* Best Performance by a Pet (winner: a talented golden retriever who stole the show with a 5-minute monologue)
* Most Likely to Get Lost in a Supporting Role (winner: an actor who somehow managed to make a 10-minute cameo feel like an eternity)
* Best Wardrobe Malfunction (winner: an actress whose dress literally fell off on live TV…and then got stuck on her shoe)
But that’s not all – insiders confirm that the real competition will be in the newly-introduced “Most Creative Use of CGI to Make Someone Look Younger” category, with heavy hitters like “The Fountain of Youth” and “The Ageless Wonder” vying for top honors.
And in a shocking twist, sources close to the Academy have revealed that this year’s ceremony will feature a special ” Lifetime Achievement in Procrastination” award, rumored to be going to a certain A-list actor who’s been “working on his craft” for the past 20 years.
Stay tuned for more updates from the wild world of Hollywood awards!