**BREAKING: GIANT FLAMING SPACE MONSTER SPOTTED TERRORIZING MIDWEST, RESIDENTS RUN FOR COVER**
In a bizarre and terrifying turn of events, a massive fireball was seen streaking across the skies of Wisconsin and several other Midwestern states, leaving a trail of destruction and utter chaos in its wake.
Eyewitnesses described the blazing object as “a giant flaming pineapple with a vendetta against the Great Plains” as it broke apart into a hundred smaller pieces, raining down debris and panic upon the unsuspecting populace.
“I was just eating my breakfast cereal when suddenly the sky turned into a inferno,” said Agnes P. Bottomsworth, a local resident of Madison, Wisconsin. “I thought the apocalypse had finally arrived, and I wasn’t sure if I should grab my emergency kit or just run for the hills.”
According to NASA officials, the fiery behemoth was actually a defunct satellite that had been orbiting the Earth for decades, and had finally re-entered the atmosphere in a spectacular display of celestial pyrotechnics.
“It was like a cosmic game of dodgeball up there,” said Dr. Emily J. Starlight, a leading expert in space debris. “The satellite was about the size of a small island, and it was traveling at a speed of approximately 17,000 miles per hour when it disintegrated into a thousand tiny pieces.”
As the people of Wisconsin and surrounding states breathed a collective sigh of relief, officials warned residents to be on the lookout for any falling debris, which could potentially cause damage to property or livestock.
Meanwhile, local businesses are capitalizing on the excitement, selling “I Survived the Great Satellite Inferno of 2023” t-shirts and commemorative coffee mugs.
When asked for comment, a spokesperson for the Governor’s office simply shrugged and said, “Well, at least it’s not a meteorite. Those things are always so… predictable.”
