**BREAKING: ROGUE BULL ON THE LOOSE IN CONNECTICUT, RESIDENTS ADVISED TO STAY INDOORS AND HIDE BEER**
In a bizarre incident that has left authorities baffled and residents bewildered, a feisty Scottish highland bull named “Waldo” has broken free from a local farm and is currently roaming the streets of Connecticut, wreaking havoc and causing a stir wherever he goes.
According to eyewitnesses, Waldo, a 1,000-pound behemoth with a shaggy coat and a menacing glare, has been spotted lumbering down Main Street, sending pedestrians running for cover and cars screeching to a halt.
“It’s like he’s on a mission from God,” said one traumatized resident, who wished to remain anonymous. “I was just trying to get my morning coffee when suddenly this…this…thing comes barreling down the sidewalk, horns and all. I mean, I’ve seen some crazy stuff in my time, but this is just ridiculous.”
Animal control officials have been tracking Waldo for over six weeks, but so far, they’ve been unable to catch the cunning bull, who seems to have a knack for evading capture.
“We’re doing our best to corral him, but this bull is like a ninja,” said a flustered animal control officer. “He’s fast, he’s sneaky, and he’s got a serious attitude problem. We’re starting to think he’s got a Ph.D. in evasive maneuvers.”
Meanwhile, residents are being advised to stay indoors and keep a safe distance from Waldo, who is reportedly fond of beer and has been known to raid local bars in search of a cold one.
“If you see him coming, just hide your beer and pretend you’re not home,” said a local business owner. “Trust me, you don’t want to mess with this bull. He’s like a force of nature, but with more horns and less…you know, nature.”
The search for Waldo continues, with authorities offering a reward for anyone who can provide information leading to his capture.
In the meantime, residents are advised to remain vigilant and keep their wits about them. As one local quipped, “You never know when Waldo might come knocking on your door, looking for a pint or two.”
