**BREAKING: TOURIST WINS LOTTERY JACKPOT OF OVER $3 MILLION WHILE VISITING CHICAGO, DECIDES TO SPEND ENTIRE FORTUNE ON DEEP DISH PIZZA AND CUBS TICKETS**
Chicago, IL – In a stunning turn of events, a tourist visiting from Timbuktu (or so he claimed) stumbled upon a winning lottery ticket while exploring the Windy City, and his life will never be similar.
According to eyewitnesses, 32-year-old “Lucky” Larry Jenkins was wandering aimlessly on the Magnificent Mile when he stumbled upon a small convenience store, where he purchased a ticket for the Illinois Lottery’s “Lucky Streak” game.
“I was just browsing through the aisles, looking for a decent souvenir t-shirt, when I saw the lottery ticket,” said Jenkins in an exclusive interview. “I thought, ‘Why not? I’m on vacation, I might as well spend $5 on a dream.’ Little did I know, that $5 would change my life… and possibly my waistline.”
As Jenkins walked out of the store, he checked his ticket and noticed that he had matched all six numbers. His excitement was palpable as he let out a loud whoop, startling nearby tourists and causing a nearby street performer to drop his juggling pins.
“I couldn’t believe it!” exclaimed Jenkins. “I started dancing the Macarena in the middle of the street, much to the amusement of onlookers. I’m pretty sure I saw a guy playing a trombone in the background – it was like the whole city was celebrating with me!”
The winning ticket was worth a staggering $3,217,500, which Jenkins plans to use to fund his lifelong passion for deep-dish pizza and Chicago sports teams.
“I’m going to buy a lot of Lou Malnati’s pizza,” said Jenkins, a self-proclaimed pizza connoisseur. “Like, a LOT of Lou’s. I’m talking pizza parties for the whole city. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll splurge on a few Cubs tickets – I’ve always wanted to see a game at Wrigley Field.”
When asked about his plans for the future, Jenkins replied, “Well, I’m thinking of opening up my own pizza joint – ‘Lucky’s Slices’ has a nice ring to it, don’t you think? And maybe I’ll even start a Chicago-themed amusement park. The possibilities are endless!”
As news of the winning ticket spread, locals and tourists alike flocked to the convenience store, hoping to catch a glimpse of the newly-minted millionaire.
“I guess you could say I’m living the dream,” said Jenkins, beaming with pride. “And if you’re not careful, I might just buy you a slice of pizza to celebrate.”
The Illinois Lottery has confirmed that Jenkins’ win is one of the largest in state history, and officials are urging him to “please, for the love of all things good and holy, invest some of that money wisely.”
In related news, local businesses are reporting a surge in demand for deep-dish pizza and Cubs merchandise.
