**BREAKING: MAINE HIGHWAY TURNS INTO RANCID RIVER OF GUNK AFTER TANKER TRUCK CRASH**
In a bizarre and bewildering incident, a tanker truck carrying a cargo of what can only be described as “the stinkiest sludge on wheels” crashed on a major Maine highway yesterday evening, leaving a trail of noxious, glowing green goo in its wake.
The tanker, which was hauling a load of liquid waste from a local landfill, careened out of control and overturned on Route 1, spewing its foul-smelling contents all over the asphalt. The putrid puddle, estimated to be over an acre in size, has brought traffic to a standstill and has left residents of the area gagging for air.
“I was driving home from work when suddenly I was hit with a wave of stench that almost knocked me off the road,” said local resident, Karen Jenkins. “I thought someone had poured a vat of rotten fish guts all over the highway. It was like nothing I’ve ever smelled before – or since, for that matter.”
The Maine Department of Transportation has confirmed that the tanker was carrying a load of “leachate,” a toxic cocktail of rotting trash and chemicals that is commonly used to describe the worst of the worst in landfill waste.
“It’s like a toxic time bomb just went off on our hands,” said DOT spokesperson, Mark Smith. “We’re doing our best to contain the mess, but it’s like trying to hold back a tidal wave of stink. We’re talking hazmat suits, respirators, the whole nine yards.”
As crews work to clean up the mess, residents are being advised to stay indoors with their windows closed and their noses plugged. The local school district has even cancelled outdoor activities, citing concerns about the potential health risks associated with inhaling the noxious fumes.
Meanwhile, the Maine Department of Environmental Protection has launched an investigation into the cause of the crash and the subsequent gunk-astrophe.
“We’re taking this very seriously,” said DEP spokesperson, Sarah Johnson. “We’re talking penalties, fines, the works. This is not just a matter of a simple spill – it’s a full-blown stink-fest of epic proportions.”
Stay tuned for further updates on this developing story, and in the meantime, if you’re in the area, be sure to bring a gas mask and a strong stomach. **THIS IS NOT A DRILL**.
