**BREAKING: WOODPECKER WREAKS HAVOC ON MASSACHUSETTS TOWN, RESIDENTS AT WIT’S END**
In a bizarre series of events, the quiet town of Oakdale, Massachusetts, has been besieged by a feisty pileated woodpecker that has apparently declared war on the local population. The bird, described as “a feathered frenzy-inducing menace” by residents, has been blamed for damaging over 25 vehicles in the past week alone.
Eyewitnesses claim the woodpecker, estimated to be around 16 inches tall and sporting a distinctive red crest, has been seen swooping down from the skies to peck holes in car roofs, smash windshields, and even dent doors.
“It’s like it has a personal vendetta against our town,” said Oakdale resident, Jane Smith. “I was driving to work yesterday and suddenly, BAM! This woodpecker comes out of nowhere and starts pecking away at my sunroof. I thought I was under attack by a miniature, avian Terminator!”
The woodpecker’s reign of terror began on Monday, when local business owner, Tom Johnson, reported finding his truck’s windshield covered in a sticky mess of sap and bird droppings.
“I thought it was just a prankster, but then I saw the woodpecker perched on top of my truck, giving me the stink-eye,” Johnson said. “I swear, it was laughing at me. I’ve never seen anything like it.”
As the days went by, more and more residents came forward with similar complaints. Cars were left with gaping holes, shattered windows, and even what appeared to be a crude, woodpecker-sized dent in one unfortunate vehicle’s hood.
“I’ve had it up to here!” exclaimed Oakdale Mayor, Sarah Lee. “We’re talking about a bird that’s basically waging war on our town. We’ve tried everything to shoo it away – noise-making devices, shiny reflective tape, even a fake owl – but nothing seems to be working.”
The town has set up a special task force, dubbed “Operation: Woodpecker Wrangling,” to deal with the crisis. Wildlife experts have been called in to try and capture the bird, but so far, it seems to be always one step ahead.
In the meantime, residents are advised to keep a safe distance and to avoid engaging with the woodpecker, lest they become its next target.
**UPDATE:** The woodpecker has just been spotted flying away with a stolen hubcap in its beak. The town is offering a reward for anyone who can provide information leading to the capture and relocation of this avian menace.
