**BREAKING: ROGUE EMU ON THE LOOSE IN HOT SPRINGS VILLAGE, RESIDENTS ADVISED TO STOCK UP ON SNACKS AND RUNNING SHOES**
In a bizarre incident that has left authorities flabbergasted and citizens giggling, a marauding emu has been spotted roaming the streets of Hot Springs Village, Arkansas, leaving a trail of bewildered onlookers and destroyed gardens in its wake.
The Hot Springs Animal Control department issued a high-priority alert yesterday evening, urging residents to remain calm but vigilant as the rogue bird, estimated to be around 6 feet tall and sporting a menacing glint in its eye, makes its way through the village.
“We’re not sure how it got here or what its ultimate goal is,” said Animal Control Officer, Bubba Jenkins, “but we do know that this emu is on a mission. It’s been spotted chasing squirrels, pecking at garden gnomes, and even attempting to sneak into the local Walmart (it didn’t quite make it, thankfully).”
Eyewitnesses describe the emu as “flamboyant” and “possibly plotting world domination.” One resident, who wished to remain anonymous, claimed the bird even photobombed her morning jog, giving her a good scare and a great story to tell.
“I was just trying to get in my daily 5K when suddenly this…this…thing comes out of nowhere, flapping its wings and squawking like a lunatic,” she said, still shaken. “I mean, I’ve seen some weird things in Hot Springs, but this takes the cake. Or should I say, it takes the birdseed?”
As the search for the wayward emu continues, residents are advised to keep a safe distance, secure their trash cans, and for goodness’ sake, do not attempt to take selfies with the bird. Animal control officials are working tirelessly to corral the errant fowl and return it to its rightful owner (if it has one).
In the meantime, local businesses are capitalizing on the situation, selling “Emu Alert” t-shirts and offering discounts on bird-watching tours.
**IF YOU SEE THE EMU, DO NOT APPROACH IT. UNLESS YOU’RE OFFERING IT A SALAD. THEN, AND ONLY THEN, MAY YOU APPROACH.**
