DES MOINES, IOWA – In a holiday miracle that has left residents of Smalltown, Iowa, absolutely gobsmacked, local resident Agnes Pembly announced yesterday that she discovered a whopping $150,000 winning lottery ticket stuffed inside her Christmas stocking.
According to eyewitnesses, Pembly was seen sprinting around her living room, flailing her arms like a windmill, and shrieking “I’M A MILLIONAIRE!” at the top of her lungs after making the astonishing find.
“I was just getting ready for bed and I reached into my stocking to grab a candy cane, and instead, I felt a piece of paper,” said Pembly, still visibly shaken. “I pulled it out and it said ‘Congratulations, you’re a winner!’ and I just about lost my mind!”
Pembly, a self-proclaimed “lottery skeptic,” claimed she had purchased the ticket on a whim at the local convenience store several weeks ago, but had completely forgotten about it.
“I just stuck it in my glove compartment and thought, ‘Oh, I’ll check it later,'” she said. “Little did I know, I was walking around with a potential fortune in my pocket!”
As news of Pembly’s windfall spread like wildfire, friends and family members began to converge on her home, all clamoring for a piece of the action.
“I’m buying a yacht!” exclaimed Pembly’s cousin, Bubba. “And a timeshare in Boca Raton!”
Meanwhile, Pembly’s husband, Harold, was seen quietly calculating the taxes on their potential windfall, muttering something about “putting it all in a high-yield savings account.”
When asked about her plans for the newfound wealth, Pembly coyly hinted at a possible facelift, a trip to the Bahamas, and a down payment on a new elephant.
“I’m going to live large, honey!” she declared. “And I’m going to do it all with a smile on my face and a spring in my step!”
The Iowa Lottery Commission has confirmed that Pembly’s ticket is indeed a winner and that she will receive her prize money shortly. As for Pembly, she’s just basking in the glow of her newfound fame.
“I mean, who needs a spa day when you can just win the lottery?” she quipped.
