**Winged Wonder from Oregon Takes Home Top Honors in 2023 Bat Beauty Contest**
In a stunning turn of events that is shocking absolutely no one, a winged creature from Oregon has strutted its stuff and claimed the “coveted” title of this year’s champion in the Annual Bat Beauty Contest. Yes, you read that right—a hodgepodge of fur, wings, and somewhat questionable hygiene has been deemed the most beautiful bat, proving once again that we are living in a world where beauty is truly in the eye (or, more fittingly, the nocturnal echo-location) of the beholder.
The contest, which began as a lighthearted community event in a small Oregon town, has now blossomed into an international phenomenon, attracting bat lovers from every corner of the globe. Judges, which reportedly included a mix of wildlife enthusiasts and local cats, were tasked with evaluating bats based on criteria such as “wing elegance,” “fur fluffiness,” and “the sheer aesthetic delight of screeching at odd hours.”
This year’s reigning champion, a particularly unremarkable specimen named “Flappy McFlapface,” swept the competition, receiving rave reviews that can only be described as slightly generous. Flappy, adored for its ability to hang upside down while nibbling on fruit (because, why not?), managed to capture the hearts of the judges with its impeccable 7:00 p.m. flight schedule. After all, if there’s anything we all crave, it’s a bat that keeps strict hours on its nightly escapades!
“I’ve been a judge for five years, and I’ve never seen anything quite like Flappy,” gushed local resident and self-proclaimed bat expert, Linda Wingington. “Its sheer disregard for traditional beauty standards and tendency to roost in the most inconvenient places really brings a new level of charm to the competition.” Wingington went on to emphasize how Flappy’s unique sense of style—an eclectic blend of disheveled fur and decidedly unbat-like features—really captured the spirit of the event.
As for the competition itself, it was as riveting as watching paint dry in a dark room. Bat enthusiasts across the nation tuned in via live stream to watch adorable yet questionable participants, all vying for the coveted title, while making sure to comment on every “fierce” wing flap and “daring” twitch of the nose. Social media exploded with hashtags like #BattyForBeauty and #Flappytastic, as the world collectively held its breath, rivetingly excited to witness who would take home the gold… or, rather, the bat-shaped trophy.
Many are left wondering what being crowned Bat Beauties truly means for the winners. “Does Flappy McFlapface now receive an endorsement deal from bat food brands? Will it grace the cover of ‘Bat Vogue’? Is there a special seat reserved for it at the annual Bat Awards Gala?” The questions are endless, and unfortunately, so are the memes.
As local bat lovers indulge in celebrations that surely will involve an oversized cake shaped like a bat and perhaps a heartfelt rendition of “Bat-eries Not Included,” the rest of us can only sit back and bite our tongues. Bravo, Oregon! You’ve once again pushed the boundaries of what can be celebrated, igniting a fire in the hearts of bat lovers worldwide. Just remember, the next time you hear fluttering in the night, it could very well be the sound of nature’s beauty—a truly revelatory reminder that cultural standards are, indeed, wildly subjective.
