### Missouri Museum Unearths Time Capsule: Just in Time for Everyone to Remember How Much Things Have Changed
In an awe-inspiring demonstration of impeccable timing, the Missouri History Museum has officially opened a century-old time capsule, much to the surprise of absolutely no one. With a blend of nostalgia and over-the-top celebration, this momentous occasion has reignited public interest in what life was like in the early 20th century—after all, who isn’t dying to discover what the world’s worst social media influencers might have looked like without Wi-Fi?
Nestled securely in a corner of St. Louis, the time capsule was sealed with the utmost confidence in 1923—presuming, of course, that future generations would find 100-year-old newspaper clippings and expired snacks to be riveting entertainment. Surrounded by what can only be described as the finest collection of relics society has to offer, museum officials had, naturally, only the noblest aspirations for the contents. “We couldn’t wait to explore the thrilling world of post-World War I Missouri,” said resident curator, Dr. Herbert Blasé. “A fresh bottle of soda and a letter from ‘Mabel’ detailing her dubious romantic escapades? We’re just as excited as the people living in 1923 would be about the possibility of meeting their great-great-grandkids.”
Among various items ranging from horsehair brushes to advertisements for “the new fascination” called the automobile, the museum showcased a plethora of artifacts that reveal just how uniformly traditional and entirely different the world was back then. Who wouldn’t be captivated by seeing a photograph of what was likely the original social-distancing model: multiple families crammed cheek to jowl inside the county courthouse? Surely it’s a visual treat that hits too close to home in today’s age of indoor living.
Of course, the real stars of this event were the museum’s guests, most of whom seemed to genuinely believe that the time capsule was some sort of cultural jackpot. “Whoa! Look at this ancient artifact!” exclaimed local resident Doris Melton, 72, while showcasing a used ticket stub for the now-defunct St. Louis Exposition. “I wonder if they had TikTok back then.” Yes, Doris, that’s exactly how the world operated one hundred years ago—posters taped on walls were the equivalent of viral videos.
The fanfare surrounding the capsule’s unveiling was nothing short of magnificent, with a keynote speech delivered by Senator Who-Wouldn’t-Want-To-Be-Named. “Let us remember that yesterday’s forgotten economy is our surplus today,” he declared, though it’s unclear if anyone had the will to decipher that crumbling philosophical nugget, provided it had been preserved in the capsule.
As the event ended, and the cleaning crew tidied up the remnants of pizza and plastic utensils that had somehow found their way into the festivities, one thing became clear: this time capsule is more than just an old box filled with dusty knickknacks—it serves as a time machine, propelling our current syntax back to the days when people relied on handwritten letters and actual conversations instead of emojis.
So, here’s to the next 100 years! Perhaps the museum will consider sealing its own time capsule for future generations to ponder over while eating gluten-free avocado toast. Exciting times await.
